May 12 Rinche – Lama Hotel – Langtang – Journal Entry

Day two and we dined with the Sherpa porters, cooks and guides by a campfire. There is no electricity in this valley other than our flashlights and my Sony World Band radio.I turn it on getting a scratchy Nepali station playing local music sounding much like Indian music. The Sherpa are happy and break out their cigarettes. Damn, they love smoking tobacco. I think about joining them, but my lungs are torched by today’s trek.

There was no culture clash. We were hungry after the hard steep climb. The Sherpas seemed fine. It had been a hard trudge on the trail. They were carrying forty kilos each. Our load were small backpacks.

“The first thing a westerner learns in Sherpa is “Carry this.” The next is “Carry me.”

Dorge says tomorrow the trail will become steeper and we will have to cross a landslide. I wonder if the Sherpas have as many words for steep as the Eskimos have for snow.

Lance and I drank two glasses of whiskey. Dorge said none for the porters or anyone else in our crew.

After dinner we went to out separate rooms. Our legs are noodled and neither of us are acclimated to breathing at this altitude.

The trekking crew are gathered outside by a fire. They smoked heavily and play cards. Laughter and cursing. I can’t decipher the swears, but I can tell that they are all in good humor.

Working in nightclubs had taught me the menacing tone of calling someone something bad.

I turn on my Sony Word-Band radio

Nothing, but static in this deep valley.

No one here knew nothing of the troubles in Kathmandu.
Several nights ago Lance and I had stood on the roof of our Thamel hotel. The protestors ran down the narrow street. The police were behind them. The soldiers trapped them and started shooting. They saw people watching from the roofs and aimed up and pulled their triggers. The officers had told them that this was a communist uprising and they were going to kill the king.

Kathmandu didn’t exist here.

There was the trail and the villages and the river and the Himalayas covered with snow.

After this I was flying to Paris with a stop-0ver in Frankfurt.

No one was waiting for me at either terminal.

I had friends in Paris.

I would call them once back in Kathmandu.

There are no phones here.

Only word of mouth.

All I am is a trekker in a lodge by a cataract raging through the valley. I open the window. A billion stars are overhead. Something strange about the ground. Millions of fireflies carpet the grass. Blinking like the stars. This place is magic. I breathe in the thin air scented by pines and fire. Only the earth, the river, and the smoke of a smoldering fire.

We’re heading higher tomorrow.

No one on the way but us and Sherpas. Yaks too.

The poverty here is crushing.

Porters are paid $2 a day.

We’re paying ours $5.

They’re carrying forty kilos. I’m carrying five.

Just so I can see a glacier at the end of the trail. The room next door is quiet.

The crew has fallen asleep.

It’s only 9.

I go to bed to join them.

Dreaming of the Cafe le Flore in Paris.

May 14, 1990 – Langtang Glacier – Nepal – Journal Entry

Published on: May 22, 2024

As promised the trek across the landslide was tricky. Loose shale and rocks under foot. Dorge said two houses had been swept away by the avalanche.

“No one was killed. One man still missing.”

He said this with resignation to the danger of living in the Himalayas.

Another trekker Miriam picks her way across the wasteland. Her feet are bleeding and her partner, an older German, doesn’t look in any better shape.

I slid a couple of times as did Lance.

The porters handled the damaged trail like mountain goats.

Reaching the bottom of the valley we crossed the river on a broken bridge. The current was ever fierce. Falling into the water meant drowning and I was glad to have safely negotiated the span.

At the next village an older woman greeted our passage by sticking out here tongue. Another trekker Dice aka Todd commented that maybe it was part of mating ritual. Our guide Dorge corrected him, “Here we know that devils have no tongue, so they stick out their tongue to show that they are not demons.”

“There are demons here.” Dice laughed at such an idea.

“Everywhere on my travels across Asia, everyone warned about the devils in the next valley. The worst are in Kathmandu repressing the uprising of the people, but those are human.”

“All the wooden masks in the villages are of demons.” Dorge stuck out his tongue.

I’ve never seen any demons other than in human forms, but I have seen ghosts.”

“You have???” Dorge was alarmed by this admission.

“I have and I’ll tell you a ghost story this evening.” Ghost stories work better around a fire in the dark. A glass of whiskey helped too.

A crowd of villagers waited by the school and motioned for my approach.

“They ave heard that you have medicine. None of them have seen a doctor in this life.”

“I’m not a doctor.”

Dorge shrugged with little concern for my being charged with malpractice.

“You have medicine. Only medicine here. Tiger balm.”

I agreed to the deception and treated infected eyes and hands and feet with antiseptics. I lanced small wounds swollen with pus. They bore the pain without a whimper. I gave a bottle of antiseptic ointment to the teacher, who expressed his gratitude with a solemn bow.

“How much medicine did you bring?” asked Dice. He had attended Cornell for Hotel Management. I had attended Boston College. My major had been Economics and graduated sin laude, but my grandfather had been a Maine doctor. My Irish namesake had been a trolley man in Boston. My only medical training was at Boy Scout camp in New Hampshire. Thankfully no one had any broken bones or anything really serious.

“Enough to handle a hypochondriac’s ills.” I had enough to last me till the return to Kathmandu.

LATER

Resting by a prayer wall at another villager. I was a doctor again. Dorge explained that we are stopping too often, so I cut my clinic short by only tending to the children. Babies with coughs I gacve them a droplet of sweet syrup. They smile and wash their grimy faces. One old gent complained about a tooth ache. He opened his mouth to reveal rotten stumps. I gave him cloves for the pain and advised that he suck on them. He made a face tasting them, but upon my departure smiled with relief. They waved good-bye.

Ganchemao is the monster peak rising above the valley. Snow clumped in glaciers on the peak. The sun is torching my lips. Dice lends me lip balm.

“I have to take care of the doctor.”

“Then you can be my nurse.”


Later

I walked ahead of everyone. Even the porters. I want to be alone. The wind, the scent of pines and flowers, the world of sky peaks. I sneak peeks, because I am trekking on a narrow trail and pay attention to where I put my feet rather than trip and fall into a deadly valley. Lots of rocks. Twisting an ankle would be a disaster this far from the road. I stop and rest, regaining my breath. Our porters pass smoking cigarettes. I wait for a lagging trekker. Dieter is suffering from dysentery. He appears after fifteen minutes, looking like shit. I advise him to hire a porter. We are dismissing one at the next village. His pack is empty.

“You shits are only get worse.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it, but up to you.”

Miriam appears that she has abandoned the Sherpa way and is wearing her boots. A wise decision, but I can tell by her gait that she really savaged her feet. I offer to clean them and binding them with tape. She shakes her head not willing to admit she was wrong. Lance looks at me and we both shrug with no comment.

Best to let people do what they think is best.

LATER

We stopped for an afternoon tea. Each step up this valley transports us further back into medieval times. This could be 1452 AD. Yaks, the Sherpas’ beast of burden lumbered up and down the trail under heavy loads of up to a hundred-fifty pounds. Three times more than the Sherpa porters. I’m carrying about ten pounds and every step is a struggle. Dice is much younger than me and is handling the ascent to Langtang glacier with ease. Lance and I are in the same shape.

Crap.

I had to switch pens. I gave away two to young boys.

This is as faraway from civilization as I have been in my life. Far from Boston. Far from New York. As soon as I put my boots on the trail I was transported to the 15th Century. No telephones, no radio signal. No electricity other than our flashlights. No subways. No bagels. No diamonds on 47th Street.

Dice, who retired from Wall Street at 30, joins me in a squat on a boulder, and asked, “What do you think these people think of us. Trekking through their villages without stopping for more than a cup of tea and sleep.”

“They think of us a cash cow. Without us life would be even harder. They have been thinking the same as all travelers since before time. In good times lots of people. In bad times fewer and most of them bad.”

“And these are good times?”

“Be more trekkers, if Kathmandu was quiet.”

“My guide, Porterhouse, says nothing that happens in Kathmandu affects up here. Do you think these are good times?”

Nothing is burning and we don’t see any dead people. I had seen the soldiers shoot into a crowd in Kathmandu. They weren’t aiming over their heads. It’s peaceful up here. Normal times. Nothing special.”

We were surrounded by Rhododendrons. The huge flowers flourish in the high altitudes. I had won one in high school from a church raffle. The only thing I had ever won.

I looked up to the mountains, squinting in the high glare off the snow peaks. These villages weren’t flush with money. They never had any. Bad things happened. Bad things happened a lot. A sick child. A sick parent. A sick cow. The King opened Nepal to foreigners in 1951. The 50s hadn’t hit Langtang Valley yet. This trek isn’t too popular, since it dead-ends at the glacier. There is no crossing into the neighboring Helambu Valley.

“Maybe in ten years this valley might improved, but the only transport are by your feet, on the sherpa’s back, or a yak. These people are shackled to poverty, they are slaves to the lower altitude people, but they proudly live their lives as had their fathers and mothers. And do they want our lives?”

“I don’t, which is why I quit Wall Street.”

“Not after making a fortune.”

“I was lucky and left the casino before I gambled it away.”

“All the porters play cards. For their pay.”

“To be blessed by luck.”

“As are we all.”

May 9 1990 – Kathmandu – Nepal – Journal Entry

Published on May 25, 2023

Kathmandu is a magical city filled with pilgrims traveling to the city’s holy shrines and temples of the pantheon of Asian religions. I haven’t seen a single church and with good reason. Jesus might have traveled to Kashmir after his crucifixition, but no one here worships him here. Certainly not this atheist, but I am in wonderment, when I stumbled on a procession for the Kumari, the living goddess, in Thamel. These young girls are chosen from the Newari tribe to serve as living vessel for the Hindu goddess Durga until menstruation. The word Kumari means ‘virgin’ in Nepali. They are revered for their purity, but soldiers disrupted the holy ritual as the government has outlawed the gathering of people, as the citizens clamor for democracy. The TV announcers are accusing the demonstrators of communism and godlessness. So far there is no bloodshed.

I walked to the Thai Air office on the main boulevard shaded by trees harboring thousands of sleeping bat. The ground is splattered with bat dung. I’m glad to be wearing my sneakers.

Last night after drinks at the Yeti Hotel Lance and I walked through dark streets. He was wearing flip-flops and stepped waist deep into an open-air sewer. Up to his waist. I pull him out. Cursing. I help him back to the hotel at a distance. He smells strongly of shit. I hope he doesn’t get a disease from this dip in the city’s waste waters.

This afternoon Thai Air wasn’t able to confirm my flight from Delhi to Paris.

I might have to fly to Munich. It’s been over eight years since I was in Germany. I left in December 1982 on an overnight train to Gare du Nord, having ended my working with the pimps at the BSirs nightclub. I wonder what would have happened, if I had stayed in Hamburg.

I would have continued my affair with Stephanie De Leng.

That year I decided after Christmas in America to return to Paris and work at the Bains-Douches. Stephanie wanted me to meet her in Amsterdam. I was too broke to buy a ticket. I crashed at Julie Cole’s apartment with the photographer Arthur Gordon and his Doberman. A shabby apartment behind the Gare De L’Est. Stephanie and I later met in New York. The lingerie model had gained weight due to a chronic illness. I thought she was faking the sickness and brutally said so one night. She wrote me a scathing letter and my friend Andy read it.

“What did you do to this woman?”

“I guess I said the wrong thing.” I had no sympathy for her and I remember my older lover Linda Imhoff in 1970, as we were laying naked in bed in my Shannon Street apartment, “You’re dangerous, because you don’t know what you are doing.”

I was eighteen at the time.

I’m now thirty-eight. Stephanie could have been the one, but the only way I could get it up was to pretend she was a nun. I had no trouble with the one Patpong go-go girl I took to the Malaysia Hotel a couple of times. I haven’t talked to any females in Kathmandu.

And certainly not the Living Goddess or a nun.

May 16, 1990 Langtang Glacier – Nepal – Journal Entry

Published on: May 28, 2023

We have reached Langtang Village.

3500 meters.

This is the highest I’ve been in this life.

The porters and cook are busy smoking cigarettes and drinking hot tea heavily dosed with yak butter for strength and sustinence. Breakfast on the trail had been mostly oat porridge, eggs, chapati, pancakes with jam, or peanut butter for breakfast, while dinners have consisted of Hindu Dal Bhat, curry, pasta, spaghetti, soups, fried rice, and momos with the Sherpa favorite fried dried yak meat and yak cheese.

Todd broke open a bottle of Johnny Walker Red.

“This is high, but last month I climbed to the top of Kilimanjaro. 19,000 feet. I stayed an hour and came back down. Worst thing about being at that height was shitting below zero.”

The nights along this trek have been cool, but the temperature has never been below freezing and during the day we are blasted by the sun. I never sweat, as the sun evaporates off any moisture from my body. I am constantly thirsty. My lips cracked by the sun. A team of film makers descend from the glacier. They have been filming Yuichiro Miura, the first person to ski down Mount Everest. Back in 1970. Their Sherpas are happy are happy to be off the ice fields. Too much sun to be safe. Dorge says they said nothing to the film crew and prayed not to die a movie. We give some of them a little taste of whiskey. All is better, especially when we give none to the film crew, but Yuichiro Miura got a full cup and I gave him my lip balm. His lips were bleeding. And this is only 3500 meters. I look up to the peaks. All over 6000. Dice and I look at each other and give up going any further. It’s smart to know when to quit.

May 14, 1990 – Langtang Glacier – Nepal – Journal Entry

Previously published May 23, 2023

2500 meters – Ghora Tabula

This morning Dieter woke up with vomit on his shirt. He doesn’t talk about being gay or having AIDS, but he has said anything about spending time in Bangkok. I respect his staying in the closet and told him that we are all sinners. Dieter had been traveling the last three years on $250/month to see as much of the world as he could before his immune system crashed. Dice worries that the German could die on this trek.

“It’s his choice. Life. Death all the same,” says Dorge.

I tell neither of them of his deadly sickness.

The higher we climb the worst the sun.

Thankfully I have lip balm from Dice and sunblock. Lance’s lips are painfully black and face scorched by the sun. I lend him mine. We stopped for lunch without any shade trees.The ports have rigged a shelter from tarps. The cook has once more provided a huge lunch. I had hoped to lose weight on this trek, but I think I’ve gained a few kilos. Dorge orders us to eat more to have energy. Our bodies are not used to this effort. The porters have been gorging on tsampas, daal bhaat, and Thukpa stew. Eating is the only fuel for our bodies. Our whiskey is finished and I’ve been sober for a few days.

The hippie teahouse trekkers regard us as heretics on the Asia on $5 a day guide book. All in our sherpas and guides and food cost us each $20 a day. Lance and I share our excess food with the children, who trail us from village to village. We only give Dieter food, because his body has been wracked by dysentery. He still refuses to turn back. Yesterday Miriam left him and attached herself to another group of backpackers.

Israelis.

These young men and women exit from their occupation service in Palestine with short hair. Their heads have sprouted Samson locks overnight. None of the teahouses will serve them food or allow them to stay in the rooms The Sherpas can’t stand these long-haired ex-soldiers, saying that they steal and cheat villagers every step of the way like they had invading another country.

Earlier in the year I had read in the International Herald Tribune how Pakistani tribesmen had kidnapped a group of Israeli backpackers. One of them shem broke free, grabbed an AK47 and killed all the militants and a few of his friends.

At the age of 18 they are drafted into the Israeli Army of Occupation Their army time kills their soul and this afternoon as I drank tea one of them came over to demand some.

Fuck off.”

I had heard how the Israelis on this trek all spoke of the Palestinians other than animals. I told this one that was the way the Nazis had spoken of the Jews during the Holocaust. The largest Israeli wanted to fight me. I held a rock in my hand. Lance defused the situation by saying we were all here to be one with the Himalayas.

After the dispute Dorge suggested that we avoid any contact and we let them tramp out of sight.

“Israelis always trouble.” Lance, a New York Jew, agreed and doesn’t have time for the either.

Miriam abandoned them and rejoined Dieter, who has employed one of extra Sherpas to carry his bag. The two of them would be perfectly cast as a gay monk followed by an insane nun in a medieval movie. It has been said that Tolkien’s books had been inspired by the Himalayas.

Miriam attended to Dieter.

It’s time for him to turn around.

He threw up blood.

Miriam is a saint for taking care of him. He is very brave to persist in this trekk. Almost as if will die when we reach Langtang Glacier.

Miriam kissed me after lunch behind a prayer wall.

“Thank you for taking care of Dieter.”

When we returned to group, the German glanced at my crotch. My zipper was still down. The retired school teacher smiled at me like he wished it had been with him. My left wrist has been broken in a motorcycle crash on the Burma-Thai border. I was lucky to be alive as was Dieter. I had hammered off the cast in a Patpong go-go bar. I lifted my crooked arm. It hadn’t healed yet I and said, “This makes everything harder.”

“So I see. I’m taking your advice. I’m going back down. Miriam is coming with me.”

“I’m glad to see you. Maybe we’ll meet someplace else. Maybe Kathmandu.”

“Vierleicht.”

Lance and I gave them food and we shook hands. Miriam kissed my cheek. Her sweat smelled sweet in the rare air. The three of them walked out of sight followed by a young beggar. That was the last I saw of them.