NEVER WANT TO GIVE YOU UP by Peter Nolan Smith

THE GODFATHER 3 was a horrible movie; Andy Garcia, Sofia Coppola, and Al Pacino’s wretched line, “No sooner than I think I’m out, then they pulling me back in.

Unfortunately those words held personal resonance in early November of 2007 for like Michael Corleone’s failure to leave the Mafia, I was unable to end my affair with Mint, a 22 year-old masseuse from Soi 6. Our affair lasted through several tempestuous seasons. We were as good for each other as we were bad.

Ours should have been a one-afternoon stand.

I had a ‘wife’ who didn’t love me, but I could leave because of our daughter.

Mint had two children. She worked Soi 6 for them. The sex meant nothing, except with me, but I meant nothing, because she could only be my mia noi. We fought more than a married couple and she shouted that I was a fool to think my ‘wife’ was ever coming back from up-country.

“She have boyfriend. You give money. Why she need you?”

I hated hearing the truth and plotted a coup de grace to our ill-fated romance. She said that a rich Californian client was coming down from Bangkok for the Loy Krathong holiday. Her voice rang with conviction on the phone, as she said, “I have to take care of my babies. Not call me. I have new life. You have old life. I want nothing from you.” She hung up the phone without hearing my saying, “Good luck.”

Mint’s future mattered to me and I put some money in her bank account. It was enough for a good time tonight.

That night I called my ‘wife’. No one answered the phone. It came as no surprise. Bedtime came early in the rice villages north of Bangkok.

That night I drank with Fabo, the seismic oil explorer from Charleroi, at the Buffalo Bar. He downed Heinekens as fast as I drank vodka-tonics. The girls at the bar were eager to go upstairs for a short-time session.

Tomorrow was Loy Krathong, the annual festival venerating Siddhartha Guatama by floating a candle on a banana leaf raft to symbolically the sins of past 12 months. A more glamorous aspect of the Buddhist celebration required women and girls to attire themselves as an ancient king’s favorite consort. These traditional outfits cost 1000s of baht to rent for the evening. Mint had a stunning outfit planned for the following evening. The rich American wanted only the best.

“Hey, Yankee Dog. You are a free man again. You can go with anyone.” Fabo knew my taste ran to skinny and the young Belgian invited several young beauties to join us for drinks.

“Pick one. The bar fine is on me.” Fabo earned big money on the ship. There were no bars on the high seas. He blew his wad in Pattaya.

“Thanks the offer.” My inner eyes were blind to temptation. I called Mint every half-hour she had blocked my phone. I resigned my destiny to holding hands vodka more vodka-tonic. The bar girls hated my dedication to drink. Fabo and I bought their love with shots of tequila.

I woke the next morning to Fabo in bed with the lovely Gai. Both of them were more dead than alive. I wished I was more the former than the latter. I cooked the couple breakfast in bed. Gai was a good eater. Fabo wanted more beer. Within six days he would be off the frozen waters of Norway with a sullen crew of Poles.

“Yankee, we drink tonight.”

“Yes, we drink tonight.” My life was a tabla rasa or clean slate.

My ‘wife’ had deserted me six months ago. Our daughter was the one reason I left New York. Mint was at a high-class hotel with the LA millionaire. She was an expert at happierness. I was cursed to live a life alone and rode my motor scooter to the fishing village of Ban Samae San.

A hilltop temple dedicated to a mythical water goddess overlooked the unpopulated archipelago stretching south into the Gulf of Siam. I struck the bells outside the wat with a wooden mallet and beseeched Phra Mae Khongkha, the adopted Hindu water goddess, to forgive my mistreatment of her holy element. Part of he ritual requires striking the bells alongside the lofty wat. After the metallic peals cleared the air and I drove the motorcycle down to the Navy pier.

Several skin-divers were working on the quay’s support pillars. They glanced at me without a second thought. They dealt with farangs from the US Navy during the yearly Cobra Gold war games. The sea was unsullied by tourism. Civilian use of the islands was banned by the military.

I hadn’t been in the ocean since my motorcycle accident in September.

That night I had been coming home from Mint’s place in Jomtien. We had fought over my ‘wife’. Traffic over the hill was light, but my mind wasn’t on the road and I didn’t see the motorcyclist veer into my lane to avoid a pothole. He clipped my handle bar at full speed.

My front wobbled out of control and I was tossed from my bike lacking any grace.

I hit the asphalt hard, but got to my feet seemingly without any serious injury. Blood was flowing heavily down my arm. The deep wound zagging across my forearm looked like the aftermath of a shark attack. I could see bone. The emergency ward at Banglamung Hospital did a great job of stitching together the slab of flesh and muscles. Mint had disinfected the scar everyday. My ‘wife’ merely phoned to say that I should drive better. I could do nothing good in her eyes.

I had told my daughter that my people came from the sea. We were khon talay. The ocean made us strong. She loved the beach. Neither her mother nor Mint favored the sea, but I didn’t have to worry about them. I was free and stripped down to my swimming shorts at the end of the pier. The tide was out and the surface was a good twelve-foot drop from where I stood. Colorful fish darted between the shell-encrusted support beams. I dove head first to prove a New Englander’s love for the sea.

I re-surfaced with a renewed sense of exhilaration. The Navy skin-divers helped me up the ladder. None of them had ever seen anyone dive from the pier. I explained in rudimentary Thai that my girlfriend had left me for a rich man and I wanted to wash my body clean of her.

“Mai dai,” the CPO explained wisely, because he felt the only way to end it with your mia noi was to have her find you with another woman. “Lucky she not cut off penis.”

“And feed to duck.” Thai newspapers chronically reran gory tales of wives severing a philandering husband’s penis. They gave it to ducks, because pigs wouldn’t eat penis.

The Navy Seals invited me aboard their Zodiac and we rode at high speed over to the nearest island. The water was as clear as 150-proof vodka and the sand was as powdery as flour. The divers were happy to meet a faring who could speak Thai, if only badly and I ended the day with them with a promise to return the following weekend for an excursion to a more distant island.

The ride back to Pattaya almost felt entering a new city, until I stopped for gas. My mobile was ringing. It was Mint. I didn’t have the strength to turn off the phone and answered it with exasperation, “Yeah, what?”

“I not go with farang from California.”

“Why not?” I was ready for a song and dance.

“Buah.” Like most bargirls she can’t bear to spend more than thirty minutes with a boring westerner. “He not same you.”

“How so?” I was all ears, since it was obvious that Mint had to have seen the rich guy in order to be bored by him.

“You same me. You crazy. You hurt same me. Rich man only same farang. Want sex.”

“And so do I.” Most men my age were addicted to Viagra to overcome penile dysfunction. Sexual arousal was another of our strong suit. I needed none, since you only needed Viagra to have sex with women you didn’t want. “What about Loy Krathong?”

“I have beautiful dress. I look like goddess. You want come see me.”

And like that Barry White started singing NEVER WANNA GIVE YOU UP in my ears.

Twenty minutes later I was in Mint’s arms, telling her words of love in several languages and meaning most of them. She was a goddess for Loy Krathong and I worshipped more than her feet, but both of us knew that we were postponing the inevitable no matter what Barry White growled on that hit record, because something as good as Mint and I has to be bad in the end and I could deal with bad, because bac is always better than worst.

MAKE NICE / Bet On Crazy by Peter Nolan Smith

Published on: Nov 4, 2011

The Diamond District on West 47th Street was a closed community. Family histories have been intertwined by marriages and business deals. The smiling faces on the surface hid the turbid conflict behind the scenes. My boss, Manny, and his son, Richie Boy, followed the Corleone tradition of never laundering family troubles in public. Basing their discretion on THE GODFATHER was better than adopting the murderous plot-line of GOODFELLAS.

For the most part our lips were sealed by the Jewish version of omerta, but anyone outside our intimate circle was fair game for Manny’s barbs, who rarely had a nice word for his family, workers, and business associates.

One morning in summer of 2010 I sold a walk-in customer a diamond for $55,000. The architect from Chicago had to celebrate a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary in a week. The deal was consummated in less than thirty minutes. Richie Boy congratulated my success.

“Well done.” Richie Boy loved sales. He had bills to pay.

“All part of a day’s work.” I was pleased with the sale. The commish covered a flight to visit my kids in Thailand. “But that was easy.”

“Wham-blam, thank you, ma’am.” A quick sale was a good way to start off the day.

“It’s always easy, when the customer needs what you have.” Manny stood up from his desk with difficulty. A bad hip didn’t prevent the eighty year-old from coming to work or brighten his view of the world. Richie Boy and I groaned in anticipation of further negativism. “Don’t fool yourself. Everyone is a piece of shit.”

“Not everyone.” Richie Boy had inherited many of Manny’s traits, but he inherited cynical optimism from his elegant mother. They shared the same sapphire blue eyes.

“Everyone is a piece of shit.” Manny had a long list of POSs or ‘pieces of shit’, which was topped Richie Boy and me, his longtime employee.

“Great, I’ll call the customer and tell him that I won’t sell the diamond to him, since he’s a piece of shit.” I picked up the phone.

“Save the smoke and mirrors for your friends.” Manny examined the sales’ paperwork to add up the cost of the diamond, the ring, and the setting of the stone. The numbers weren’t to his liking. “Why didn’t you get more money?”

“Leave him alone. He did good.” Richie Boy was getting a headache.

“He did his job that’s all and why? Because he wants money.” Manny had been mean from day 1, but in recent years he had excelled in twisting the knife in a wound.

“I’m going out for a cup of coffee.” I had heard enough of his monolgue conversation to know its destination and asked Manny, “You want one?”

“Here.” Manny’s hand fumbled into his pocket.

“I don’t need your money.” He was a mean old man, but the twenty years of supporting me and mine granted him a special dispensation from having to pay for his own coffee.

I walked outside and took a deep breath.

Inside the exchange Richie Boy and Manny were squared off toe-to-toe. Sometimes I thought that the bickering was an act, but not this morning and I walked next door to the Russian coffee shop.

Several dealers were standing in the foyer. I said hello to Abel. The young Hassidic broker and I had sold several diamonds over the last two years. He was a good man in my books.

When Manny lost a carat diamond memoed from Abel, the broker had knocked $500 off the price. Manny had called him a piece of shit for that generous gesture. I never mentioned the insult to Abel. Manny was man enough to tell people they were piece of shit to their face.

“How goes it?”

“Not bad.” I told him about the sale. Abel congratulated my luck and then said, “Whose stone?”

“None of your business.” Abel had his hand in every pot.

“Okay.” He seemed hurt by my rebuke, but in this business if a diamond broker commented in open conversation about a sale, then the information would be common knowledge from 5th Avenue to Avenue of the Americas by day’s end, albeit filtered through a myriad of mouths to be malformed into a miscarriage of the truth.

“What do you think about Farrid?” Abel had dealing with every ethnic group on the street. Money was money.

“Richie Boy’s old partner from the retail store on 5th Avenue?” I clenched my right hand into a fist.

“The Persian.” No one in the Diamond District called Iranian Jews Iranian. There were Persians and the entire tribe had colonized the Long island suburb of Great Neck.

“You want me to say good for him?” Our business depended on trust.

“He wants a stone from me.”

“Better you talk to Richie Boy about that.” I had sold a million-dollar ruby for Farrid and Richie Boy. The Persian had shorted $2000 on my commish and then insinuated that I had come close to fucking up the sale. The less I said about him the better.

“Are you saying he’s no good?” Abel considered me a ‘sheygutz’, which for a Hassid was one step less pejorative than a goy and being a sheygutz lent me a different perspective of the business.

“I’m not saying nothing. It’s not my place.” Farrid also bounced my commission check twice. He had been hit hard by Bernie Madoff.

“Thanks. I owe you a coffee.”

“I didn’t say nothing.” I paid for my coffee.

“And thanks for that.”

I returned to the exchange. Richie Boy was on the phone with a customer. Manny was fiddling with the electrical connection to his adding machine. It dated back to 1982. He raised his head and asked, “Where’s my coffee?”

“I forgot it.”

“Everyone thinks about themselves.”

I let it go and the rest of the morning passed without incident.

A little past noon Richie Boy hung up his cellphone and came over to my desk.

“Farrid just called me.”

“And?”

“He said you told Abel not to give him a stone.”

“Abel asked me about him and I said it wasn’t my place to comment on him.”

“Farrid says you said bad for him.”

“I said nothing. He can think whatever he wants.”

“I do business with him.”

“I never will.”

“You made money from that deal.”

“Yes, I did and he screw me out of two grand.” It was money out of the mouths of my children. “I’ll never say bad about him to anyone else, but you can tell him if he’s ever in a room alone, he has a minute to leave it.”

“And what?” He wanted me to paint the entire picture.

“Richie Boy, you know me a long time.” We had met at Hurrah, a punk disco on West 62nd Street. His uncle had been an off-duty cop working as security. Sam had seen me at my worst and Richie Boy had witnessed my breaking a drug dealer’s nose with a rolled-up GQ magazine for his calling me an asshole. The double-issue had a nice weight to it. “I’ll be a nice guy. If Farrid is with his family, then he can stay until the end of their meal. But he is never to say hello to me or expect me to say good for him. He’s a piece of shit.”

“See, you feel the same way as me.” Manny was near-deaf, but the old man could hear whatever he wanted to hear. “Everyone’s a piece of shit and I know what Farrid did to you. He screwed with your family. He’s a piece of shit.”

“You’re right.” I usually hated when Manny proved that he was right, but this time I was 100% in agreement.

“But better to say nothing to Farrid.” Manny came from Brownsville, Mike Tyson’s old neighborhood. No one these days knew how tough it was there back when Manny was young.

“What’s there to say?” I was hot enough to walk over to Farrid’s office and do something crazy. Only I was leaving for Thailand to see my kids. I didn’t need any trouble, so I said to Manny, “I’m going to be cool. I won’t speak to the piece of shit. He won’t get a fork in the eye. End of story. Of course he could pay me the $2000. Then I’ll be real nice.”

“No chance of that happening.” Manny was a good judge of bad character.

I thought that was the end of it, except that afternoon Farrid saw me on the street. I blanked him like a dog. He called up twenty minutes and asked if we had a problem.

“No problem that $2000 would cure.” I hung up the phone.

Not speaking with pieces of shit makes life easier, but business was business and the Persian telephoned our office several times in the next few days. I never answered the phone. I told everyone else to field the call. None of them wanted to answer either. Richie Boy’s partner was a piece of shit to them too. Manny fielded the call. He would speak to anyone. I told him thanks.

But some people can leave well enough alone and the next morning Richie Boy tapped me on the shoulder with a pen, “I want you to be good to Farrid. I make money with him.”

I knocked away the pen. I wasn’t in a fun mood.

“Really?” His partner had shorted everyone for cash, but I was on the wrong side of the equation. I was a goy. Then again I was a math major in university. I could add and subtract and no matter how Richie Boy painted his partner, Farrid was still a donkey in my eyes.

“Really.”

I kept my mouth shut. This was 2010. Jobs weren’t easy to hold and even harder to get for a man my age. Later I mentioned Richie Boy’s comment to Manny.

“What are you going to do?”

“Nothing.” It was the best tactic.

“Nothing?” Manny was a starker, which meant tough guy in Yiddish.

“Whatever I do won’t change the fact that Richie Boy’s partner is a piece of shit.” I had forgiven Richie Boy for backing Farrid over me. We went back thirty years and those decades time outweighed his partner’s bad.

“Can you keep your mouth shut?” Manny was a peacemaker.

“As long as he keeps out of my face. No problem.” I didn’t like thieves.

“Then that’s the end of the story.”

“So it would seem.” I liked Manny. The old man didn’t take shit. People like Manny were hard to find. People like Richie Boy’s partner were everywhere. Farrid was lucky that I was leaving town, especially since having to make nice to a piece of shit was not in my job description.

Like Manny I also was a starker.

THIEF OF TIME by Peter Nolan Smith

Published on: Mar 23, 2011

My first watch was a Timex bought by my father for my fourteenth birthday. I wore that timepiece throughout high school and college. It disappeared in the mid-70s. Lost, but not stolen. I went without a watch for the reminder of the decade. Punks in the East Village had no use for time. Our days and nights were ruled by rising and setting of the sun.

One of the cops moonlighting at Hurrah, the rock disco on West 62nd Street, had a brother in the jewelry business. Manny called me on the phone. The Canal Street diamond dealer asked for a favor.

“Can you let my son into your club. He’s a good kid and wants to see the Ramones.” Manny spoke like he had spent his working life on the Bowery. It wasn’t far from the truth.

“How old are they?” The NY drinking age in 1978 was eighteen. All the girls from the Manhattan private schools were welcome regardless of age. Cute teenage boys were also on the list. Most of the bartenders were gay.

“Old enough and they have ID. My brother will take them home.”

The two boys showed up for the concert. Richie Boy and Seth were sixteen. They had a great time. Andy Warhol hit on Seth. Richie Boy met Mick Jagger. Both of them threw up on the sidewalk. Richie Boy’s uncle was a no-show. Seymour had a girlfriend on the Upper East Side.

I let the two boys sleep in my apartment. They snored like old men. Manny called at 5AM. His wife thought that her son had been in an accident. I allayed their fears without any explanation. Manny thanked me for acting beyond the call of duty.

“I’ll take care of you when I see you.” He gave me the address of his diamond shop. “Stop by for lunch. We eat around 1.”

At noon I rolled out of bed. Seth and Richie whined on the floor like two dogs begging to be put out of their misery. Threats of a kick got them to their feet. Their clothing looked like they had been kidnapped by white slavers. I gave them clean tee-shirts.

“Where are we going?” Richie Boy rubbed his face. His eyes squinted in the harsh midday sun. It was still his bedtime.

“Down to the Bowery to meet your father. He invited me to lunch.”

“Great.” Seth showed signs of life and licked his lips.

“No way.” Richie Boy searched his jacket with both hands. Money would change my plans for him. He found none.

“Then how are you getting home?” I had already gone through their pockets. Seth was broke. Richie Boy was a gold mine. Home for them was Long Island. Not a walking distance in any condition.

I shoved the two teenagers out of my apartment. We caught a taxi on Avenue A. The ride to Canal Street took less than ten minutes. I paid the fare with a brand new $10 bill. Richie Boy started to say something.

“What?” I was ten years older and famed for my bad temper.

“Nothing.” He exited from the Checker Cab knowing his place, while plotting his revenge.

Seth was looking forward to lunch. He was a good boy. Manny wasn’t happy to see his son. The forty-eight year-old diamond dealer was dressed in haute couture for Little Italy. An immaculate gray flannel suit and a big diamond pinkie ring. Manny’s father was in the corner counting slips. I recognized them as lists for the numbers game. The old man eyed me, as if i might be a snitch. Manny cooled his jets.

“The goy is good people. He works with Seymour.”

“Boydem mit politsa.” The old man spoke Yiddish.

I had studied German in high school with a Bavarian monk and read several books of Isaac B. Singer. I had no idea what boy dem meant, but aped the old man’s inflection, “Nicht Politza. Ein sheygutz. Nicht Goyim.”

The man laughed at my appreciation of the difference between a goy and a sheygutz. manny looked at his watch. The clock on the wall made the time 1:05. A tall Puerto Rican boy rushed through the door with two bags of food. He was out of breath.

“That’s Domingo.” Manny shook his head in time with his father. “That boy is never on time and neither is my son.”

Manny slapped Richie Boy’s hand hard.

“No food for no one that hasn’t worked and don’t say nothing about the sheygutz and your friend. They’re guests.”

The food was a meal from Angelo’s on Mulberry Street. It reminded me of Little Italy in Boston. Manny’s father was named Jake. He told stories about bookies, the shetl, and working hard as a carpenter. “Everyone has to have some honest work.”

After I finished my lunch, I thanked Manny for his hospitality. He lifted his hand. A watch dangled from his fingers. A Pulsar P2. Roger Moore had worn the same model in the James Bond film LIVE AND LET DIE. 007 later replaced the Pulsar with a magnetized Rolex.

“It’s yours. For taking care of my son and his worthless friend.”

“I thought you were giving it to me.” Richie Boy protested from the steam machine, at which he was cleaning rings.

“Was, wasn’t. Sie gesund.” Manny snapped the watch on my wrist and I wore it with pride for years. Richie Boy and I became friends. Our interests ran the same; good music, night clubs,, beautiful women, and drinking. Manny’s term for our relationship was ‘asshole buddies’ It was a derogatory term. Richie Boy and I were straight. I discounted his bullshit. He had been born in Brownsville. Its motto was ‘Never ran never will’. Manny was a tough guy.

Richie Boy and I were Kings of the Night. We went everywhere. I was working for Manny. His son was able to order me around. His revenge had been a long time in coming, but I didn’t begrudge his come-upperance. I was getting old.

For Thanksgiving Eve 1992 we had been invited to a party at an apartment overlooking the staging grounds for the Macy’s Parade. Gigantic balloons loomed before the windows of our motorcycle friend RT. I drank a little too much too quick and told the story about meeting Richie Boy for the first time. I showed the guests the Pulsar watch.

“James Bond wore it in LIVE AND LET DIE.”

“Roger Moore wasn’t really James Bond,” a young man said and took the watch from my hand. He was a painter. The watch looked as good on his wrist as mine or Roger Moore. I argued for all the 007s and we drank tequila shots toasting the pantheon of James Bond girls. The taxi ride home was in a fog.

The next morning I woke up wishing that I had stayed home. Drinking at age 40 was more punishing than at 30. I reached for my watch. It wasn’t on the night table. It wasn’t anywhere in my apartment. I excavated the dregs of the evening and recalled the painter taking my watch. He had never returned the Pulsar to my possession. I called my hosts and told them of the incident. The painter had left town. I remembered his name. New York was a city of millions, but our scene was small.

Sooner or later he had to show up at a gallery opening or dinner or party.

I was wrong.

My watch was gone.

Forever.

I saw one on 47th Street a month ago. The dealer wanted $1100. I cursed the painter and imagined my revenge, if I should meet him. The rendezvous wasn’t a long time coming, for this past weekend I had been waiting for a Chinatown bus. My nephew and his girlfriend came to have lunch with me. Matt and I drank three beers in an hour. His girlfriend only 2. I missed the 4PM bus and his girlfriend suggested that we visit the National Gallery.

We walked by the two score plus portraits of presidents guessing who was whom.

None of us were right about Buchanon.

On the third floor was an exhibit of a modern painter. His name sound familiar. A couple of seconds later I said to Matt, “This guy stole my watch.”

“The Pulsar, right, Uncle Bubba.” Matt and I had spend time together. He had heard most of my stories. Some more than twice.

“Exactly.”

“Well, at least he is a good painter.”

The thief’s paintings portrayed fantastic apocalyptic vision. I admired his cartoonish prophecies, while raging about his ripping me off back in the last century. A tableau of arctic ice chilled my jets.

“You know you’re grandmother Nana said that if you lose something that it wasn’t yours to begin with?”

“Matt told me that too.” His girlfriend beamed at the bridging of the generational gap.

“Also about the nuns saying that there was a closet in heaven with everything you ever lost.”

“So I’ll have to wait until then to get my watch back.” There was a good chance that the artist had not stolen my watch, but I had lost it in the taxi. I liked my story better. Always true, if interesting.

“If you’re going to heaven.” Matt knew my non-belief of the afterlife.

“No ifs, buts, or ands. I’m hoping for alien abduction before the end.”

His girlfriend laughed at the inside joke. She was possibly family. We walked out of the National Gallery in a good mood. She hadn’t seen me key-scratch a painting. Matt had rolled his eyes at my crime. I was his Uncle Bubba and he kn ew it was always better to be a vandal than a thief.

Hippie Peace Soliders Mix

hawkwind with Lemmi

Another Tale From Luxembourg 11-11-2011

.

Later on that gray autumn morning in November 11, 2011 after the ceremony for the American War dead, the dignitaries drove to attend the Ruhe Tag or ‘Quiet Day’ ceremony for the fallen German soldiers at the close-by Sandweiler German War Cemetery, a separate and smaller cemetery. Shaded by the trees and dark as a forest. Many of the tombstones are unmarked, as the corpses had been recovered from mass graves well after the Battle of the Bulge.

The cobblestone path led to a large cross on a monument. two lines of stones formed the image of rail tracks. The heavy gray tombstones were reminiscent of Wehrmacht uniforms.

Over ten thousand German soldiers were buried here. Many were SS and had been buried one top of the other and the German ambassador explained that was so they would be close to their comrades. I thought the two to a grave policy had been to save space.

I stood next to the American ambassador. He was Jewish. His unease was obvious. Neither of us were here to judge the dead and we showed his respect during the somber rites for the dead.

I had earlier cried seeing the rows upon rows of white crosses at the American cemetery. Flowers were laid at the monument and a band played a dirge. I suspected that Germans had many of them. I shed no tears here.

I slipped outside the ceremony and an old man in a good suit was smoking a cigarette by an iron fence. The Battle of the Bulge was sixty-six years ago. He had to be in his late eighties. in 1944 he had been very young. He still stood erect. I asked him for one in German. He gave me one and lit it for me.

“Du kennst hier jemanden?” Did he know anyone here. My high school German was still stuck in my head thanks to Bruder Karl.

“Viele Kamaraden, du?” He smiled and sucked on his cigarette.

“Ich war damals noch etwas jung.” I hadn’t even been born in 1944.

“Du bis rechtig.” The old man laughed with a tobacco cough. Maybe something worse. “Ich bin alt. Sehr alt.”

“Aber nicht tot.” We were both old at different ages, but neither of were dead.

“Das stimmt. Du bist Amerikaner?”

I nodded yes.

“Guten Soldaten.” He nodded in appreciation of the Yankees’ valour and stubbed out the cigarette. “Guten tag.”

I said the same and he walked away, as I finished the cigarette. I didn’t go back inside the cemetery. I knew no one inside. I was better off outside and happy to be so. Every day above the dirt is a good one for the living. The good, the bad, and the in-between.