Yom Kippur Squirrels

Yom Kippur 1972.

Syrian and Egyptian tanks swarmed over Israeli defenses on the Golan Heights and the Suez Canal. The Arab Forces initial successes were reversed by strategic blunders and Israeli air cover, however the losses to the IDF were catastrophic for the small nation. If a country the size of the USA had suffered the same casualties, the deaths would have mounted into the 100s of 1000s. Russian intervention was deterred by a stern warning from President Nixon.

DefCon 3 to DefCon 4.

Nuclear war.

MAD.

Cooler heads prevailed and prevented Mutual All-Out Destruction on a global level and Yom Kippur has resumed its position as a day of atonement for the Jewish People with Bobby Vinton leading the way by singing his hit I’M SORRY.

No holiday is without humor.

A small town had two churches, Presbyterian and Methodist, and a Synagogue. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in their buildings. Each in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.

The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days they were all back in the church.

The Jews simply voted in the squirrels as members. Now they only see them at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

Of course my late father hated squirrels. Not so much hated them, but cursed them during his visits to my mother’s grave. The town cemetery was overrun with the tree rodents. They scrambled into the paved roads before cars.

A game for them.

An accident waiting to happen for humans.

My father swerved away from a daredevil squirrel and crashed into a gravestone almost 100 feet from the road.

“Damn Squirrels.”

He drove over the next squirrel brave enough to play ‘chicken’.

And he was a Convert to Catholicism.

No Yom Kippur for him.

For him the only good squirrel was a dead squirrel.

October 10

In two days some of America will celebrate Columbus Day. Many will curse the Genoan

On October 10, 1492 the great navigator was two hundred miles from land.

In 1973 Vice President Agnew was deposed as Nixon’s vice president for graft.

He once said, “An intellectual is a man who doesn’t know how to park a bike.”

Millions of my generation said, “Go fuck yourself.”

Pseudo-intellectuals are not nattering nabobs of negativism and I celebrate Agnew’s exile into non-existence every year.

Fuck the GOP.

ps Columbus’ fleet had yet to sight land on October 10, 1492. The day meant nothing to his crew, but they all studied the west for a sign of land. Their Admiral had promised a gold coin to the first man to sight China.

Mea Culpa Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is the Jewish day of atonement on which the tribe fasts and goes to temple to privately confess your evil deed, thus earning a tabla rasa for another year to repeat the ways of the flesh in violation of the Ten Commandments. Personally I wouldn’t go to temple, since attendance is the surest sign of guilt, then again we are all guilty of something, which is how the police justify arresting the wrong person.

“He committed a crime. The question is only what crime.”

Last year I lied, denied the existence of God, and nearly killed the driver of an oncoming car, when I fell asleep at the wheel. I did not cheat on my wives, I honored my father, and I worshipped no false god. No true god either.

This omission could endanger my immortal soul. The only remedy would be an act of contrition via the sacrament of confession.

“Bless me father for I have sinned. It’s been a long time since my last confession.”

I can’t remember how long.

Two decades? Three?

Twenty-four years ago I swam in the Ganges at Varanasi. That feat expiated all my previous sins. So I only have twenty-four years of sins to negate somehow.

Good deeds?

I’ve done a few of those on occasion, but while the road to Hell is paved by good intentions, the surface is greased by bad ones.

I am sorry for a lot, but then again too little to mention, because I did it my way.

When in doubt, quote Frank Sinatra.

Old Blue Eyes won’t steer you wrong.

Yom Kippur Ahead

A priest and a rabbi are discussing the pros and cons of their various religions, and inevitably the discussion turns to repentance.

Rabbi Shimon Ben Gamliel explains Yom Kippur, the solemn Day of Atonement, a day of fasting and penitence, while the Father John tells him all about Lent, and its 40 days of self-denial and absolution from sins.

After the discussion ends, the rabbi goes home to tell his wife, Deborah, about the conversation, and they discuss the merits of Lent versus Yom Kippur.

Deborah turns her head and laughs.

The rabbi says, ‘What’s so funny, dear?’

Deborah’s response, ’40 days of Lent – one day of Yom Kippur…so, even when it comes to sin, the goyyim still pay retail…..’

Presidential Photo Ops

In late September the extra warm waters of the western Carribean created Hurricane Helene. After hitting Mexico and Cuba the category 5 storm headed northeast. The Florida Panhandle was struck hard on September 26 and 27 by Hurricane Helene dropping twelve inches of rain and pummeling coastal towns with 140 mph winds. Even worst was that the hurricane maintained its destructive power to devastate inland Georgia and North Carolina. Over 200 dead and an estimated $150 billion of damage. Landslides and floods were on a biblical scale.

As the federal government swung into action Donald Trump flew to North Carolina to survey the damage. According to The Guardian Donald Trump spoke in front of a furniture store gutted by Hurricane Helene in Valdosta, Georgia, on Monday, claiming falsely that Georgia’s governor had not been able to reach Joe Biden.

Upon landing in Valdosta, Trump claimed to reporters the president had been “sleeping” and that Brian Kemp, the governor, had been “calling the president and hasn’t been able to get him”. He repeated the false claim when speaking in front of the store.

Kemp refuted the allegation earlier in the day. He said he had been playing phone tag with Kamala Harris but also said: “The president just called me yesterday afternoon and he just said: ‘Hey, what do you need?’ … He offered that if there’s other things we need, just to call him directly, which, I appreciate that.”

During the White House press briefing on Monday, the homeland security adviser Elizabeth Sherwood-Randall said Biden had offered Kemp “anything” Georgia needed in terms of storm response.

Of course we all remember Trump throwing donated paper towels to a group of survivors in San Juan, Puerto Rico two weeks after Hurricane Maria left 93% of the island without power. MAGA supporters asked, “Where is Biden?”

In the White House coordinating the relief effort. Since a week ago FEMA has delivered approximately 6.1 million liters of water and 4.1 million meals. More than 70,000 people have registered for individual assistance through FEMA. Power has been restored to more than 800,000 customers according to https://ncnewsline.com/

It will take years to recover from this storm and Hurricane Milton is expected to strike the Tampa area shortly. Another category 4. Prayers and thoughts won’t help, since few news agencies or politicians aren’t discussing how the global climate change is showing its muscle. The tipping point was passed in 2011 and there’s no turning back. Bible thumpers get your prayers ready. Just understand that we are doomed, but we’ve survived the Ice Age. We will this time too. With the help of the horseshoe crabs.