Back in the day Pattaya was a paradise for middle-aged western men with money. Food, accommodation, cheap beer and beautiful girls calling old men sexy. None of these seductive women were blind, yet the men forget about the truth of the mirrored reflection, for as Frederick Engels the co-writer of THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO said, “Money is the one thing that can grow hair on a bald man’s head for a woman.”

Pattaya most certainly was the closest thing to Eden, however men needed money to operate as a sexy men and this year my friend Jamie Parker found his fun funds close to ’empty’. He wasn’t a gambling man, but bought several Thai lottery tickets with a portion of his last 1000-baht bill. The numbers came out in the Thai newspapers. None of which Jamie ever read, however his geek, Ort, discovered that Jamie had purchased a winning ticket.

25000 plus.

Jamie was back in the money and after redeeming the ticket his luck ballooned with the discovery of 5500 baht in an envelope at the 7/11. He waited for an hour outside the convenience store for someone to show up to claim the money. No one came in a panic. Up 30000 baht he returned to his unfurnished apartment on Soi Bongkot, thinking to take Ort out for a nice meal and found the go-go girl packing her bags.

An Englishman had decided she was the prettiest girl in the world and retired her from INSOMNIA GENTLEMAN’s CLUB. This was good news, since Jamie had been shedding 1000s of baht on the little go-go dancer’s ice habit. She loved the gear. Jamie was semi-sad to see her go, although pleased that she wanted none of his cash.

“You good man. You find new girl. No one more pretty than me. Find ugly girl. She cheap.”

“If you say so.” Jamie watched her get into the farang’s CRV 4X4. The guy was older than Jamie. Bald too. He wished them both luck. It wasn’t the first time Ort left him for another man, but it was the first time she left with his having money in his pocket.

Jamie decided to celebrate this Trifecta of good luck with a binge at What-Up’s a Go-Go. I was in town for a single night. Mem had cut me loose from Sriracha. I didn’t plan on a late one.

“Go with friend. Have good time. No look at other lady.” Mem knew that her love potion denied me any opportunity to cheat on her.

“No look. No touch.” I kissed her and my son good night. The sun fell fast this time of year. It was barely 6 O’Clock. I got to the bar at 7. Jamie bought a round of shooters for two go-go dancers and then went over to the DJ with a CD and 2000 baht. The 55 year-old returned to the couch with a laconic smile. He had pulled a swift one and I asked, “What you play?”

“I gave the DJ 200 baht to play the Doors’THE END.” The song was ranked #328 in all-time great rock songs, despite its lasting over 11 minutes. “Are joking?”

THE END had opened the movie APOCALYPSE NOW. I remembered watching Coppola’s homage to THE HEART OF DARKNESS at New York’s Ziegfield Theater and hearing the helicopters waft from left to right to rear to front.

The song took the go-go girls by surprise and the old guys in the bar too, but their eyes widened with surprise and their lips moved wordlessly to the lyrics.

“In a desperate land.”

Jamie bought more tequila for the girls on stage.

“Lost in a romance.”

He ordered another round realizing more drinks was only way to bridge to generations. The DJ was looking skeptical about THE END. Jamie flicked him another 200 baht.

“Ride the highway west baby.”

Other old dudes flipped red 100-baht bills on the stage too. They remembered being young once and were young again in THE END’s trance.

“The snake is long.” The girls understood THE END was a cash cow.

“The snake is old.”

The tequila and Jim worked its effect. The old guys ordered more shots. The young guys in What’Up were out of their element by forty years. The Doors and go-go girls. Jamie was right. Our generation.

“The killer woke before dawn.” The girls crawled against the steel poles like serpents with poison ivy.

The DJ still was uncertain about the choice, but the old age brigade sang along with THE END.

Another 100 baht tip kept the DJ from seguing to Britney Spears.

Ah Pattaya.

I was a Doors fan. They had no bass player in the band, but the bassist from Clear Light i.e. MR BLUE supported them in the studio and on the road. I still play CRYSTAL SHIP, but having the DJ play that would have been pushing our luck.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Jamie disappeared into the bathroom with the go-go dancer.

I left the bar. Faithful as ever. I only have one friend.

THE END

And Mem, my love, knows that too well.