Johnson had been living in Bangkok between his oil rig gigs. Hers first choice was Ban Suay Nok near her brother. Johnson had been to Ban Suay Nok twice. Her brother had no family resemblance.

“He not brother 100%. Not same father.” Thai relationships are very confusing for simple farangs.

Johnson decided to move to Pattaya, buying a house in his girlfriend’s name. After they set up house, she asked to have the residence blessed by monks.

“It tradition and good luck.”

Johnson’s job was dangerous. He needed all the luck he could get. He let his tee-lat arrange the blessing and two weeks later seven monks showed up with a pick-up truck along with several other cars of his girlfriend’s family. Johnson was glad to see that the ‘brother’ wasn’t in attendance and sat through the mumbled prayers. He paid off the first six monks and then noticed that the head monk looked very familiar.

The ‘brother’.

“No, not brother. He cousin brother. Not same father me.”

Johnson wasn’t too sure about that and short-changed the dubious monk a 1000 baht. An hour later the headman of the village came to his house and asked why Johnson had stiffed the monk his pay. Johnson explained his suspicions and the headman laughed, “Brother cousin boyfriend. You never know with Thai lady, but this man he monk. Not monkey business. He speak English good, ha ha.”

Johnson gave the headman the 1000 baht, plus another 500 to the headman for his time in settling the dispute. He asked me if I ever had my house blessed and I said once a year, except for last year and I got arrested by the cyber-crime unit, so don’t be cheap.”

“But I’m not doing anything criminal.” Johnson was straight.

“This is Thailand. You’re in a foreign land. You never know. What about the ‘brother’?”

“He quit being a monk and now is doing work on the house so he can buy a wig.”

“Oh.”

“But he’s not her boyfriend.”

“No?”

“Just family.”

Oh.” I said nothing and told his ‘all the best’, knowing how tight families are in Thailand.

Brothers cousins and uncles too.