Sir Richard Branson’s spaceship THE VIRGIN ENTERPRISE will bring humans to the edge of Space. Its apogee will create a zone of weightlessness. The small craft is built for two crew and six passengers, however there must be privacy for those space travelers, who want a little privacy to become the first people to have sex in Space.

Supposedly US and Russian astronauts have attempted sex in space for separate research programs on how human beings might survive years in orbit. The greatest challenge to intercourse is the weightlessness. Astronauts and Cosmonauts alike have failed to achieve erections, because the blood pools in their extremities. Pressurization is the key.

IN HEAVEN ABOVE is my tale of a bankrupt ex-Soviet republic threatened by a multi-national conglomerate with extinction. The triumvirate in charge of this nation turn to their mad economist to save the country and he proposed that they repair their decrepit space shuttle and hold a global lottery with the first prize to be a ticket into space to be the first man or woman to have sex. None of the studios clicked on this comedy. Maybe it wasn’t funny enough, however a respected French scientific writer claims that sex in space has already been achieved by NASA and Moscow, although in deep secrecy.

NASA’s Sex in Freefall program was codenamed STS-XXX and astronauts supposedly computer-tested about twenty-three sexual positions to divine the most viable in a conditions of no-gravity. They then used guinea pigs and reputedly videotaped the results. Censored except for those White House officials with agricultural training. NASA scientists discovered only four positions were possible without help from robots and high-tech equipment.

The missionary position was impossible in space.

Pushing up and down when there is no up or down in Space.

IN HEAVEN ABOVE coitus galactica was a long languid session of foreplay followed by a drift to heaven among the stars.

NASA never contacted me, but I’m still waiting for the phone to ring.

Not NASA but Virgin.

“Hello, VIRGIN. We have contact.”