“You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.”

I love that line from the Human League’s DON’T YOU WANT ME BABY, only in Pattaya men tend to fall in love with go go girls dancing around a firepole. I fall in love with them too although only from a distance. Not that I’m smart or moral. My mistakes in life are too well-documented to claim infallibility.

Go go girls are like professional athletes and at 54 I no longer compete in their division.

That said my friend Sam Royalle prefers go-gos to beer bars.

They’re air-conditioned and he likes spending his money on the arts ie tipping go-go girls. Not for their favors. Only their attention since his wife is very jealous and nothing remains a secret in Pattaya for too long.

His favorite a go go is What’s Up A Go Go on Soi 15 off Walking Street. I can’t blame him. The bar is decorated in white, the girls put on shows, and the mama-san is our friend.

What kind of shows?

The far bar surrounds a bath tub where two girls with sex bomb bodies lather themselves in soap under a shower. One actually looks like Halle Berry from the Playboy expose. the other a skinny Anna Nichols Smith. Two naked girls soaping themselves might not be the same as the Royal Ballet for performance levels, however ballerinas would get more support from patrons if they were bathing instead of pirouetting.

To the left of the bar is a padded platform on which two or three lithe artistes put of an S&M lesbian show striking each other’s bare flesh with soft rubber truncheons. The sound of it hitting the skin hurts the ear, but the actual impact only stings.

I know since I was taken on stage and whipped naked for three plays of a Cranberries song. Confessions purge the soul.

More naked girls flirt with bald-headed geezers and young studs on their first holiday away from their parents. Oy the mama-san keeps everyone happy, which is a hard job to do in pattaya, since the girls are always wanting to leave for holidays with a lovesick farang. After a week they usually return bored of said farangs jokes and sexual demands, so the bar is filled with beauties.

Another positive aspect of What’s Up is that the DJ will never play HOTEL CALIFORNIA or any dinosaur rock.

I go there once a week. Just for sociological research.

“She was working as a dancer in a go-go bar.”

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