Bah Humbug Stop your Kvetching

My 2009 Xmas season consisted of a marathon work schedule at the diamond exchange. 7 days a week. 9 hours a day. No caroling or egg nog or festive cheer. I was at work to sell diamonds and jewelry to the public to support my families in Thailand. Business on 47th Street is better than last year at the Plaza Retail Collection. After the banks’ collapse in 2008, sales weren’t good but it was not dead.

Our clientele make big money. Earlier in the year I had sold a ruby for a million dollars to a woman from Detroit. Richie Boy had sold a D-flawless Pear Shape for $600,000. None of my friends were buying anything for their wives. Maybe a cashmere scarf and a bottle of perfume. Not a single call for a strand of pearls or diamond studs. Only the rich had money and the other day Richie Boy called me a hypocrite.

“For all your talk about re-distribution of wealth, you end up earning your money off the upper class.”

“I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite, but how I make my money has nothing to do with my political beliefs.”

“You want to overthrow the capitalist system. What kind of jewelry do you think revolutionaries buy? Nothing?”

“Our customer base shrinks year by year. The rich get richer and the rest of the world has no money. That’s why they don’t buy anything, but potato chips.” I had been thinking about a red star ruby ring for myself. I remain true to the cause. My tastes run left of anarchy. My only jewelry at the moment is a claddagh ring and a half-dozen Buddhist talisman.

“Well, I couldn’t be happier for my friends, who are richer this year than last, because without them we wouldn’t be in business.” Richie Boy had met most of his customers at bars and discos during the 70s, 80s, and 90s and even now. They liked to party as did we. Neither of us were quitters.

None of the rich ever spoke about their good times with the wives around them. They were smarter than Tiger Woods that way, but I didn’t have to like them.

“They’re all schlubs.

“What about your customer this week. Owns a natural gas company. Was a submarine commander. He’s on MSNBC.”

“He’s a nice guy.” The customer was looking for a $300,000 Emerald-Cut Bracelet. I had one from Cartier. The stones were not a great color. The broker pulled the three biggest diamonds. When the setter put them back, he polished out the ‘Cartier’ stamp. The piece lost $100,000 on that mistake. “I’m going to make him the piece. It will be gem. He’ll be happy. His wife will be happier.”

She had liked my story about Uncle Carmine being buried with his dogs ashes. Aunt Jane had no idea whose cinders belonged to whom. The three cans are resting well above Schoonic Bay.

“You shouldn’t think any of these people are your friends. They’re are all Gs.” A G was a Goy. They bought retail.
“Why not? You do.”
Richie Boy hated the idea of my customers becoming friends because the commission ratio lifted from 10% to 25%.

“Today’s strangers are tomorrow’s friends. Opportunity knocking on the door.”

“Fucking commie.”

“Goddamn fascist.”

The door opened for a couple. The husband visibly was in a hurry to buy something for his wife of twenty-some odd years.

“You’re up, Che.” Richie Boy always gave me the opening. I was the fluffer for the firm. A hypocrite with a golden heart. A man too lazy to lie. A revolutionary waiting for retirement.

My second wife is only twenty-seven.

That’s revolution enough for me.

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