Pattaya must be the per capita capitol of farangs with tattoos. Westerners parade shirtless to exhibit their body art, despite the collateral damage to the colored flesh from the tropical sun. Most tattoos are eagles, dragons, and declarations of never-ending love to go-go girls festooned with vows of fidelity to previous boyfriends. Occasionally you come across tattoos of incredible stupidity.

The other day I spotted a twenty year old with his name DAVID tattooed down his spine. I asked him why and he said. “So people know who I am.”

A name tag through his pierced nipple would have been more effective.

Jamie Parker once had a Soapy massage at Sabaii-Land from a girl with the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE to the American flag tattooed on her back. “Made me feel patriotic.”

Another friend had MADE IN THE UK tattooed on his forehead, which was fine until his mother told him he had been born in Poland.

As a child the nuns warned if you had a tattoo then you couldn’t go to heaven. Not that I have a chance of chance of passing through the Pearly Gates, but I’ve never submitted my skin to the needle. My wife tells me she thinks they are dirty, except for magical spells worn by many Thais.

Traditional Thai tattoos (sakyant) serve to protect the wearers from misfortune and evil spirits. Those men tattooed are asked to obey the five following tenets.

1. Honor your parents.
2. Fidelity to your wife.
3. No drugs.
4. No fruit and food that has fallen from the tree. Only eat fresh food.
5. No oral sex with women.

From my observation most of these men have no trouble observing at least four of the five laws.

I can only obey three out of the five.

One is the fallen fruit.

Of course the main trouble with a tattoo for me was finding one I could live with the rest of my life.

69

Born to be Wild

Mom

The name of my daughters or sons

Certainly not the Pledge of Allegiance.

I doubt the poor girl knows what she’
s wearing, but America salutes her patriotism.