I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter

Corporations tried to replaced butter with margarine in the 1960s. Ads extolled its taste and the supermarkets priced the corn-based spread cheaper than butter. I refused to eat the shit. My mother and father had six kids and switched to margarine to save money, but I refused to consume the crap and bought butter from my paper route tips. I wouldn’t give any to my sisters or brothers unless they joined the boycott against margarine. My father rebelled against margarine after I had him eat mashed potatoes with butter.

“It tastes better.”

“Because it’s real.”

Wisconsin was the only state in the Union to back my fight. Margarine was declared illegal by its legislature. Marlon Brando furthered the cause by spreading butter on his female co-star’s buttocks for the infamous anal entry scene in LAST TANGO IN PARIS.

Butter was all-purpose.

It spreads better.

My brother-in-law feels the same way and three years ago sent this email missive.

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the corporation financing the margarine crusade brought in their best and brightest food scientists. to figure out what to do with this product to retrieve the millions of research investment.

Margarine was a white substance without any nutritional value or appeal, so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. Both have the same amount of calories, although butter was slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% versus eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study. Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.

Butter has many benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added! Butter tastes much better than margarine and enhances the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years .

Margarine on the other hand is very High in Trans fatty acids and triples risk of coronary heart disease, increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol), increases the risk of cancers up to five times, lowers quality of breast milk, decreases immune response, decreases insulin response, and here’s the most disturbing fact.

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC and shared twenty-seven ingredients with PAINT.

The last test.

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:

No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it.

It does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value.

Nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

And we are what we eat.

Margarine sucks.

My wife is Thailand bought margarine. I encircled a plate of bananas wit an inch-wide spread. Not one crossed that line. Not one, but it is FDA-approved, because Big Food knows the price of the truth.

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