A long gap between entries.
I left Boston hitchhiking on the Mass Pike.
Libby and I went to the Other Side. The blonde model left with a tranny. I visited my parents, saying nothing about my life. I went over to Brookline to University Road. Hilde was with Dennis, but I was ignorant of her sister’s wanting me. I am blind to those who desire me and those that do not.
I was late for a rendezvous with Libby at Chandler’s. We met later and fucked in the stairway of the Ritz Hotel. Ronnie saw us afterwards and said, “You know her boyfriend is a fag.”
He was speaking about Derek and I said, “So?”
I thought about verbally attacking him, but restrained from spouting off my mouth. I had no reason to speak the truth, since I didn’t know the truth.
I walked Libby home. She had a plane to catch.
To Italy.
“At her door I said, “Libby, I would have liked to make love to you in a bed.”
“I thought the hallway turned you on.”
“It did, but I want more.”
“Derek is at my place. I don’t want to hurt him.” She shield her Viking blue eyes.
“No, it’s something else, but I’m happy to have you any way I can.”
My cum was drifting down her thigh.
“I like feeling you met on my skin.”
No one was at her Newbury Street apartment. We fucked two more times. She didn’t bother to bathe. “I want you on me.”
A racer friend drove us to Logan in a BMW. Her friends waited at the gate. She was amputating them. I stood in the background. The racer grabbed her, as she said, “Peter.”
She touched my arm, as a photographer said, “I have to speak with Libby.”
All her friends wanted a piece of her, a minute, a few seconds. She had little to give. The other passengers got on the plane. I went to the nearest bar and drank a beer. her blonde hair shone in the day’s dying light. Libby spotted me and walked over, saying, “I haven’t forgotten you.”
I attempted to kiss her. She turned her head to offer her cheek.The loudspeaker called for her.
Lisa Fleeson to Aer Italia. “Paging Lisa Fleeson. Last call for boarding.”
Libby ran up to me.
“Derek thinks I love you.”
“Do you?”
Her haughty laugh told the truth.
“See you in your dreams.”
She ran to the gate, waving to her friends.
They mourned her departure like they had lost a limb.
I walked to the end of the terminal. The windows ran 4′ by 25′ to the ceiling. Doctor Gonzo appeared at my side.
“Libby’s gone. She isn’t going to come back the same. Europe changes people.”
The setting sun’s dirty gold brilliance pierced the Mystic Bridge’s steelworks. The brightness blinded me and I turned to watch my shadow lengthen on the stone floor. Libby’s roommate joined us, but realized I was lost in a sad reverie of star, man, and earth. I exited from the terminal and started toward the MBTA stop. A Benz stopped at the curb. The driver was Doctor Gonzo and Derek was in the front seat with the hair stylist John Dellaria in back. Gonzo drove into the city. They spoke about Libby. I told them to stop at a Chinatown basketball park by the Pike. “Why are you leaving?”
I want to play hoops.”
It always helps my mind.
LATER – Brookline 9pm
“Claire is interested in you.” Ande said at the kitchen table in the Dean Street house. “She’s depressed you didn’t show up yesterday at Hi-Hat’s.”
“Huh? She’s too young.”
“Therese says she has a crush on you, but doesn’t want to make a move, because you don’t seem interested.”
“More scared and I’m not sure she’s 16.
I turned to Therese’s beautiful sixteen year-old sister and motioned for her to join me outside. I was cold, cruel, and then friendly. When we reached Universty Road, Hilde smiled and said she wanted to play backgammon on the basement water bed. Claire joined us to smoke a joint and asked, “Is Peter sleeping here? What will Dennis say?”
“He’s asleep upstairs. He hates the water bed.”
It was unheated.
We talked about Dennis knowing about Hilde and me and Therese’s wanting Ande.
“You know, Peter, my sister thinks you’re her only friend. I’m going to sleep.” Claire waited at the door. She left and then so did Hilde. In the morning Dennis woke me in a dream.
He was not happy.