Every year international transvestites flock to Pattaya for Miss Tiffany World Beauty Contest. The event was televised on Thai national TV and hosted by the reigning Miss Thailand representative to the Miss Universe contest, something like this would never happen in the States, because Miss America is too much of a square to deal with a man more beautiful than she is.

“Dear, Jesus, there’s a she-male on stage.”

Actually Jesus had long hair and wore a dress.

Could the son of god be a she-im?

Here the kathoeys or ladyboys are genuinely gorgeous. They spend thousands of dollars to sculpt their bodies with plastic surgery. Breasts, noses, throats, butts. My wife thought many were more beautiful than women and said they are usually prettier than the Miss Thailand rep.

Many men first-timing to Pattaya found it hard to discern if they are women, but once they opened their mouths and squeak like a crow sucking helium, “Hey, handsome come here.”, then there could be no doubt about the gender of this gender-bender.

Some friends ignored the obvious. You have a choice here. Do I tell him or not? In the end you have to realize that he was a big boy and had heard the Kinks’ LOLA.

Walks like a woman but talks like a man.

There was the famous story about a French diplomat in China who lived with a TV for years. When their story became public, he said, “I didn’t know.”

The frog knew all right and so does your friend, so what’s the sense of telling him the obvious.

What weirded me out was a friend who had a katoey mia noi or TV second wife and said, “You should see her on Viagra. What a sex devil.”

“You actually want her to have an erection?”

“Yeah, and you know why?” His eyes gleamed with keen wickedness.

I fled before he could provide the answer, because some secrets are best left behind closed doors.