Several years ago Jamie Parker came over to my house to see the injuries from my motorcycle accident. The gash on the arm was vicious, but he was more concerned with my big toe. “Looks like a bean bag chair.”

“The doctor said that I’ve a 50/50 chance of losing it.”

I wasn’t sure that I heard him right the first time. The second time I didn’t want to believe I could lose my little toe. It has been with me more than 55 years.

“Better that than your dick.” Jamie wai-ed my wife who had come down from the country to nurse me. She didn’t mind him since he was only a drinking companion and wai-ed before returning to the kitchen. ”You hear about the ka-toey gay war?”

“Yeah, ka-toey gangs have been fighting on the streets and gays too.” Jamie related the story under his breath, knowing my wife’s view on bad behavior. ”I haven’t seen any TV combat on Pattaya TV News.”

“No they have to think of the city’s good image.”

“And #2, who in their right mind would want to be between two ladyboys flailing at each other with high heels. Remember that fire-bombing of a karaoke bar. It wasn’t over an old lady but a ka-toeys fighting over a customer. Other fights happened over the weekend between gays and katoeys. A gun was supposed to be shot at someone.”

“The facts and nothing but the facts.”

“I read in the paper that British tourists have fled the area.”

“What paper?” I scoured the internet wire services very thoroughly and hadn’t stumbled on this story.

“The Sun.”

“The Sun?” Yellow journalism at its best.

“And they claimed that most of the gay bars are British owned.”

“Nothing but the facts again. did you see anything like a ka-toey war?”

“No, but I don’t go where they are.”

“What about Soi 6?” About 30 lady-boys worked the short-time boulevard for back-door enthusiasts.

“Very quiet there.”

“So no war.”

Not really, but it sounds good.”

I later googled ka-toey bar fights and found nothing.

Tried ‘Thai school girl fights’ and got plenty.