My 1st Thai wife or mia luang and I haven’t shared intimacy since before the birth of our daughter.

Six years without a kiss or a gesture of affection.

The whys are many and the state of abstinence is two-sided. Being Thailand I wandered from our bed to the arms of other women, finally settling on Junior Mint.

She was skinny, beautiful, and funny.

I never expected to be more than a customer, however she retired from the Game and we ended up having a child together.

The problem is that I still hadn’t left my first wife and Junior Mint considered herself a mia noi or small wife. This status is reviled on Thai TV and her family shook their head at her predicament.

“I can not tell them I love you. I am only mia noi.”

I tried to explain, but my life in Thailand was split between my two wives.

Chain-nat and Jomtien.

360 Kilometers apart.

A six-hour bus ride.

Twice a month.

At the Morchit bus station the woman selling tickets to Chai-nat asked after my daughter. She knew my wife. Normally the wife was the last to know about her husband’s transgressions and my farang friends have asked if she knew about my Jomtien wife.

“No,” I answered, but I read in Nu’s face that she knew. Her eyes showed hurt and regret. She had done me wrong and I was not the worst of all men. A man, but not a bad one, except on one occasion.

My Jomtien wife Junior wife was less reticent about her fate.

The other day I was leaving for Chai-Nat. She was jealous about my daughter. The words out of her mouth were hateful.

Mostly about me.

We were in our room and she gave out an anguished scream of despair and hate. I wished I could have recorded this exorcism of pain. Any movie studio would have bought it for a horror film. My friends in the building said she sounded like a wounded animal lost in a morass. Nothing I could do would make her feel better that evening and on the next morning I left for Chai-Nat, thinking it was all over between us.

I would send money for my son. She would find someone else. Junior Mint was beautiful as was my wife. Life would go on. Somewhere I would find someone else to love.

Two days in Chai-Nat.

Junior Mint had an ex-boyfriend call me. I wished her luck and devoted myself to my family up north. My wife was affectionate. She loves me in her own way. I slept in the bedroom., She slept with my daughter. We hugged as man and woman do when they have fallen apart and I said I loved her. My daughter told me to be careful. I was heading back to the States. She thought everyone killed each other there with guns.

“Not everyone. Just bad people.” I never carried a gun. If I did I would have murdered hundreds on the streets of New York and the highways of America.

I felt awful leaving her, but I don’t have a job here and there’s a bright opportunity in New York I have to see it out.

I came back to Jomtien expecting the worse. Junior Mint offered no kiss. She turned her head. It was over. That night we fought. I moved to the room below hers. I texted her a message saying I was heartbroken.

My bags were packed and I was ready to go, but a little before the dawn Junior Mint crawled into my bed.

“Now I know you care about me. You jealous I with other man.” She was happy to think that she could hurt me. “Now you know how I feel when you go to Chai-Nat.”

“Yes, I do.”

She held me close.

Not really, but in her naked arms I was more than willing to believe that I did. Any man heading back to the States could do no less. The best lies are the ones we tell ourselves.