Ila jaheem ma’ik means ‘go to hell’ in Arabic, which is what Arabic men might feel about the recent surge in satanizing Islam. Firstly most Arabs are not terrorists. Secondly some Arab men drink beer. Lastly the majority of American men would rather stand and fight a thousand al-Qaada warriors than spend the night with a 300-pound naked American woman.

“Run for the hills before they dose you with Viagra.”

Then again some guys like fat.

When I was working at the Milk Bar in 1986, every night a taxi would pull up across the street around midnight. A couple got out of the back. The thin male weighed about 140, but his over-sized date plused over 300. I shook my head in disbelief at how much in love the small man was with her, especially since she treated him like shit. I couldn’t figure it out the attraction, until my Haitian co-worker Big Joel said, “Some men like a woman with a little meat.”

“A little meat. She’s all veal.”

“I love veal.”

“That woman is mostly fat.”

“It’s not the meat, it’s the motion. Riding a big woman like that is like riding the ocean.” Big Joel was 6-5. He liked his women big. His wife was 5-2.

“More like riding a water bed.” When it wasn’t going up, it was going down.

“Man like you don’t know a good thing, when he see one.” Big Joel eyed the big woman struggling up the stairs. The thin man carried her bag.

If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that my bouncer was jealous. I didn’t say a word about the woman again, but always said ‘hello’ to her. She never said ‘hello’ back.

Another useful Arabic expression is ‘kharrah ibina’ or WTF.