Pattaya’s roads are tattooed by spray-painted outlines of bodies and tires. Directional arrows indicate how the accident occurred without attributing blame to any of drivers. Many foreigners fear that they would always be at blame for a fender-bender, yet this shouldn’t be the case, if you follow a few rules of courtesy and patience during the post-accident process.

SOP such as getting all Personal Information From the Other Driver sounds fine, but fleeing the scene of an accident is a Thai tradition in many parts of the country. Most rental cars have insurance, so call the rental agency to arrange for the arrival of an agent. Overall remain calm. As long as you haven’t killed anyone, then everything will work out for better or worse, although there are many other possibilities between those two extremes.

Should a crash or khawng-lot occur, the usual policy is to wait for the police and insurance agent to investigate the incident. The coppers show up and get out their pens, take statements, while one officer sprays white paint on the road showing directions and the suspected point of impact.

Remain calm.

The language differences can lead to great misunderstandings. The officers will sort out who had the right of way. A difficult determination since many accidents will involve a motorcycle driving off the sidewalk to hit a car illegally reversing down a one-way or a driver crashing into a suddenly stationary parked car or even the odd sideswiping of an elephant, while your speaking on the cellphone or having an argument with your girlfriend.

Remain even more calm.

Officers in Pattaya do not respond kindly to threats or raised voices. Neither will the Thai drivers. Curses in western languages might not translate easily, yet Thais understand a heated tone. If you happen to have an accident with a fellow citizen, then you can vent profanely like a Yellowstone geyser for the amusement of the Thai onlookers. Otherwise be patient.

If the other driver gets belligerent, stay in your car.

If they get violent, flee to the nearest police box.

The judgment does not always go against the westerner.

Years ago in the dry season I had occasion to be driving a dirt bike north of Fang along the border of Burma north of Fang. The dust from the previous car had not settled on the dusty dirt road. Neither the driver of a pick-up truck nor I saw each other until impact, which flung me over the top of his truck into the flatbed.

Despite breaking my wrist I was grateful to have survived the head-on collision, but taken aback by the angry farmer’s tirade. Seemingly he thought a farang kee-nok shouldn’t have been driving on this road. After examining the tire tracks, the local police told the farmer to pay for my hospital treatment and the damages to the bike. The pick-up driver begrudgingly dropped the trail bike at garage in Fang and drove me to the hospital for treatment. He paid the doctor for my treatment and promised to sell a pig to settle the bill at the repair shop. I never saw him again.

A recent conversation with a Pattaya policeman at the scene of an after-midnight accident revealed that the gendarmerie is required to make snap judgments to spare the city and the drivers the cost of a trial. Payments are meted out according to damage and fault.

In minor accidents it is better to resolve the issue of payment before the arrival of authorities. Recently I drove over the foot of a woman selling lottery tickets. Her toe was bleeding. An on-looker suggested we wait for the police. I said we should go to a nearby clinic. I paid for the treatment and medicine and gave the woman 1000 baht.

She was happy with the arrangement, especially after I purchased two lottery tickets. Neither came up a winner.

It’s always best to avoid accidents. They cost time and money. None of us are Michael Schumacher and just where were you going in such a rush anyway? Not to work. Not to a fire. Taking your time might not be exciting, but a low speed allows space to correct for errors. We all make mistakes. Those outlines on the road always tell a story, if you know how to read an accident right.

None of us are Michael Schumacher and just where were you going in such a rush anyway? Not to work. Not to a fire. Taking your time might not be exciting, but a low speed allows space to correct for errors. We all make mistakes. Those outlines on the road always tell a story, if you know how to read an accident right.