Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance at the World Cup was completely s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.
An English friend sent this quip about his World Cup team, but the 9th anniversary of 9/11 is approaching this September and the US intelligence services and Pentagon have failed to capture or kill the Al Quada leader Osama Bin Laden, whom GW Bush blamed for the attacks on that dreadful day.
“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” – George W. Bush, 9/13/2001
The Pentagon failed to close the trap on Osama in the Tora Bora Mountains. Several secretive assassination attempts have achieved the same lack of success. The Maine State Police arrested a Somali man . He had a beard. He spoke Arabic. He worked at a 7/11. The Staties had no choice but to rendition the store clerk/father of 3 to a Syrian torture cell.
No risk is too small.
As for whereabouts of OBL this weekend.
“Wer wisst?”
Rumors have placed the world’s most wanted man in the tribal areas of Pakistan, Elton John’s penthouse as well as GW Bush’s Crawford, Texas ranch or the Breakers in Palm Beach. No one knows.
I actually met one of his brothers in London during the 80s. Bought us drinks at Annabelle’s.
Nice guy. He died in a plane crash. In the 1980s. Not 9/11.
Anyway I was surprised to overhear Osama Bin Ladin’s name at the Buffalo Bar a month ago.
Tuk was telling about an Arab trying to recruit girls to be celestial virgins for a training camp of religious devotees. Seems he was seeking to replicate the Muslim version of heaven on earth for his followers. Heaven A Go Go might have been a candidate, except the present clientele of Western go-go aficionados weren’t surrendering their stools to towel heads.
I interrupted Tuk’s telling the new girls to ignore the Arab’s offers.
“Osama Bin Laden?” I couldn’t believe my ears.
“He come three nights.” She showed me a photo of them together. “Bought me many lady drinks. Asked me to go to camp.”
“And why didn’t you?” It was Osama.
“He not tip. I think he Cheap Charlie.” Three other girls said the same thing.
“You know the whole world is looking for him.”
“He stay here. Have many farang in bar. Not one care about him. Only care about lady. Care about get drunk.” Tuk shrugged, because Thais are the most zenotrophic race on the planet this side of the frogs. “Police want I find him. Any Thai lady can. He not pay her. She find him with brother. Beat him with shoes. Me, I can find him one minute.”
“You know where he is.” The reward was a million dollars. That works out to one million beers, which would take me about 300 years to drink.
“Not anymore.” Tuk smiled knowingly. “But he come back. Where he find 77 virgins in Pattaya?”
Certainly not in the Marine Plaza where his cohorts hang out.
I called the American embassy with this information and was put on hold. The red-shirts had closed the embassy for the week.
The music during the wait was mostly western. Finally a recorded voice came on line and said, “Sorry, your call is important. Please leave a message. Someone will get back to you after the end of the NBA play-offs.”
I hung up and decided to mind my own business. My team was the Celtics. I had bet them to go all the way. I went up to the Arab soi of Sukhumvit. Maybe I’ll run into Osama. Take him to a bar. They know how to handle his type there. Especially if he doesn’t tip or is kee-nio.
By the way if Playboy can find his niece why can’t the CIA find him?
The answer; because he is CIA?
Huh?