“Zees is not a beer drinking club. Zees is a fucking club.” Michel, the French manager of the Eden Lounge, told me and Sam Royalle. He clapped his hands and the girls lined up on either side of a yellow line. “Zee girls on the left are 2 holes and the girls on the right are 3 holes. Make your choices. 1500 baht for one. 2500 for two. That is the happy hour price.”

This visit was strictly to further my sociological research into go-go bars, sex clubs, and low lifes. Michel spoke freely on the subject. I learned much under his supervision. “I make zee men happy. The girls are happy. Everyone is happy.”

This formula was exported to Pattaya at the Hell Club on LK Metro. I went there once. The place was empty. The yellow line was painted on the wall, but I didn’t get the same vibe as chez Michel, so I never went back for a second look. I am notoriously faithful to my 2 wives, however Jamie Parker told me that he had been there recently after a night on the town.

It was 10:30pm.

“Two of the girls were interesting.” For Jamie that meant they were attractive. “I went inside and was immediately given a sales pitch by an over-sized American. It was basically the same spiel as Michel, so I went upstairs with two girls and a toolbox. I had a good time. You should visit next time around.”

I’m stuck in New York. I’m almost a virgin. A year without the tender touch of a woman, but I won’t be visiting the Hell Club on my April return to Thailand, for thePattaya Police raided the Hell Club on Soi LK Metro to apprehend 13 Thai ladies and the club’s American owner after police officers surfing the internet for evil-doers discovered the club was offering a wide range of sexual services involving sex toys and hundreds of condoms. Several of the girls were shockingly on drugs.

Babylon has suffered another blow.

Probably set up by the snitches of the Pattaya Police Volunteers working for the Police charities of the region.

Satan beware.