Mikie at Maggie’s Bar on Pattaya’s Soi Chaiyapoon is always raving about the girls he meets over the internet.

“She was a college student. 21. Beautiful. Only wanted me for sex nothing else.”

The beer-bellied 50 year-old had never had a loser, although this winning streak could have to do with Mikie’s myopia. His glasses are thick as the bottom of a coke bottle. With his sweep-over he looks a little like Roy Obison and we all know how much Thai girls love the singer of PRETTY WOMAN.

The Australian has yet to let introduce a internet Juliette to one of his mates, but we suspect their internet descriptions might not add up to physical realities, not that Mikie would mind if they were ugly, fat, or old as his mother. Sometimes his near-sightedness has to be a blessing, especially if your internet date ends up being unlike her description as happened to a hapless computer Romeo in Bangkok earlier this month.

This Thai man had made a date with a Thai university student with light skin, big breasts and needing help to further her studies. The door bell rings at the appointed time and Poo-chai ngao rang the bell of this poor co-ed condo and the the door opened to reveal a middle-aged lady weighing about 100 kilos. He balked at having to perform sex and tried to leave, only Ms. Chang Noi blocked his escape, threatening to call the Mafia unless he had sex with her. The disappointed man pretended to pay, then bolted for the door. The two wrestled in the hallway, until the behemoth snatched her victim’s cellphone and attempted to blackmail him with a call to his wife if he didn’t give her 500 baht and made another date to see her again.

The man paid the ransom but returned to the condo with the police, who arrested the jilted female for fraud and blackmail. Her fine of 10000 baht was knocked down to 8000 thanks to a heart-felt confession.

We told Mikie about this incident and he said, “All my girls are very pretty. Even prettier with my glasses off and the uglier they are the happier they are with me. I’m their internet Romeo.”

“How do you describe yourself?”

“20, fit, and wealthy. Just how I see myself in the mirror after about 10 beers.”

Mikie’s no fool.

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