Yellow Teeth 3

  • You’re in a foreign country. You’ve just been arrested for copyright infringement. 3000 baht is all you have to your name. What will you do? What will you do?

Most people in the world will have no memory of the actor Karl Malden asking the same question in a 1970s Amex Commercial, but his solution was to get out your credit card, only I’ve burnt mine long ago.

 

“What will you do, what will you do? 

Only one course of action. Yellow teeth call home. Call family, friends, and fiends.

The housing crisis and rising prices have stolen everyone’s largesse. I make list and hold a telethon. My sisters good for $500, although my older sister thinks I’m spending it on drugs. I don’t tell her about getting arrested by the Bangkok cyper-police. My younger sister has always deemed me a reprobate, but we’ve come to an understanding. Family is family.

Next on the list friends. Some said no way straight out. I hadn’t been in New York in years. They had forgotten everything we had done together. So had I in some cases. Amnesia is less selective after the age of 50, however my actor friend, Bill, thought my story very interesting. “Maybe we should get a script together.”

He came across with unexpected genorosity as did Ty Spaulding, Neil Nepola, Paulie Brissman, Rick Temerian, Richard Sweret, Sara Silver, Jean Rousseau, and several other dear friends. The money wasn’t enough to resume my life as a ne’er-do-well in Pattaya, but gave me sufficient funds to stave off hunger. I thank them all. Let’s hope I can sell my drawing by Jean-Basquiat so I can show my gratitude in the only way they really want ie getting there money back.

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