Luis Bunuel the surrealist Spanish film director said, “First you get married and then you find somone with whom you can be unfaithful.”
My wife and I have been together over five years. You can divine the health of a relationship by how close you sleep together. The distance between our bodies is about a meter. We have a lot of problems. Some are my fault. Others are hers. The end result is we never have sex.
Accordingly I religiously disobeyed the 7th Commandment, but rarely with the same woman. Neither did I sleep with these geeks or sex-buddies. Two hours in a love hotel satisfied my libido and offered no threat to my marriage, for infidelity or gaa-may-so?o-mi?t-chaa-jaan is tolerated in Thailand as long as it’s coupled with discretion. My wife didn’t ask and I did say.
I had never considered having a mia noi or second wife, until my wife left Pattaya to help with her sick sister’s farm. One month became two and I started seeing Mint. She was 22, skinny, and worked at Dirty Den’s on Soi 6. I liked having sex with her and hearing her tales about her customers or kaas. Mint liked them old. Young men took too long. “Old man finish fast.”
But not me.
She said she had wanted sex with me from the first day she saw me.
“You not same farang. You have hair same Thai. Speak Thai. Eat Thai.”
Bargirls are experts at telling a farang what he wants to hear.
“You first man make me finish.”
I’d heard that line enough to store it in the lie file, however I stopped seeing other bargirls and became faithful to a woman who had had sex with enough men in a year to staff a destroyer. Somehow we grew closer.
“I never want to like farang. I like you.” Mint was getting soft on me and I was soft on her. She stopped working every day. We met at her apartment. She said it was hard going with other men. In April I retired her from the bar and rented a room in Jomtien far from my house. We spent most of our time there. She said, “You know everything about me. I know nothing about you.”
I ignored the remark and never showed her where I lived.
Discretion is a important facet of adultery since Thai newspapers regularly feature stories about a jealous wife cutting off her philandering husband’s penis while he’s sleeping off a drunk. Dart ham hai phed or cut off his cock and feed it to the ducks because pigs don’t eat penis.
Mint kept one customer.
An American who gave her 2000 baht a night.
“Not have sex. Only jag-wow.” Mint showed me how. He liked it sitting up. “He kiss much too.”
It didn’t do much for me.
“You not jealous. He only customer.”
“Not at all.” And I wasn’t, after all neither of us mentioned the l-word.
She had had too many men to love and I had been hurt by my wife.
But everyone someday is going to love again.
We weren’t the exception.
She stopped seeing the American. Mint asked when I was going to leave my wife. I said nothing. I met her family. I took her kids on holiday. I had a second family. Mint hated my visiting my wife. “You take care her better than me.”
I couldn’t tell her ‘first come first serve’.
I upped her money to 20K
Of course it was never enough, but she believed my finances would improve come September. I did too, but I was wrong.
Money was tight and even tighter in October.
I still took care of her, but I had to work harder to get cash. Her friends suggested that she should go back to work on Soi 6. We stopped having sex. Our conversations were the same ones I had with my wife before she stopped loving me. The door to her heart was shutting and I didn’t put my foot in the way to stop its closing.
She went back to Dirty Den’s.
I wished her good luck.
She said, “Fuck you.”
The honeymoon was over a long time ago.
Will I miss her?
Sure.
Will I meet someone else?
This is Pattaya.
You always meet someone else.
The only problem is it’s usually the same person because a Thai girl in your life is like having gum in your hair. The only way to get rid of them is cut them out.
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