Back in 1982 I worked at a Paris nightclub without a carte de travail.

That’s a work permit for those who failed French.

At the time Paris had one color photocopier on which I forged a friend’s permit in my name. A terrible job, however the nightclub owner was satisfied with the documentation. Taxes were deducted from my salary and I got a month’s paid holiday from the French government. I later became an EEU citizen via the grandmother clause for Ireland, legalizing my status forever.

Only problem.

I’m living in Thailand.

Recent political changes have led to stricter visa limits for foreign tourists and residents, although most farangs are familiar with the lax enforcement of laws in this country. A little too much work, however the immigration bureau has entered the computer age. A simple scan of your passport will reveal your travel history within seconds.

“What is this visa stamp here?”

Dreaded words to a ghost visa holder ie a farang who sent his passport unaccompanied out of the country to get an O visa.

His answer. “That’s is where I entered the country.”

“But there were no flights that day.”

Opps.

This violation usually means a trip to the nearest immigration bureau and a possible night or two in the monkey house.

The owner of Visa Shop on Pattaya’s Soi Baukhao made the Thai TV the other day for just such an incident. The TV commentators suggested that the farang had violated the immigration laws and was being arrested by the police. Classic guilty until proven more guilty by the news media, the worst of which is the western Pattaya News.

However in this case it was a matter of mistaken identity.

The visa shop owner was called down to Jomtien to clear up some business matters. The immigration officers brought up the matter of ghost visas. Several of the owner’s clients had been questioned in Phuket. All Russians. The owner asked to see the documents. The officials asked him to wait at the Jomtien Beach police station.

Local TV cameras were waiting in the small station.

Accusations by commentators about the police capturing a farang criminal.

They left for the news stations.

Two hours later the owner was released from custody.

No charges filed. A court date was set.

The owner was amused by the incident. “I was only helping a friend.”

Almost a happy ending, except he had to leave 50,000 baht as a security deposit with the police officer at the Jomtien Station. The receipt was written on a chek-bin from the nearest bar by a motor-sai taxi driver.

The next day the Visa Shop’s owner was back at Jomtien helping the immigration officers sort out the retirement visa for a group of elderly Swedes.

You would have thought he learned his lesson.

My advice.

When your passport goes out of the country, so should you.

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