“Mssr. Rick, why did you come to Casablanca?” The French Vichy colonel asked Humphery Bogart’s character in the film CASABLANCA.

“For the waters,” Rick responds with smoke-narrowed eys.

“But there are no waters here.”

“I was misinformed.” Bogart sells the line with ease.

And no one comes to Pattaya for the waters and if the police have their way then no one will come here at all.

This weekend city officials and police announced a Talibanesque decree that naked girls and explicit shows will not be tolerated within the city limits. Any future violation would be punished with a 60-day closure and a potential revocation of the establishment’s liquor license.

Could this be the end to paradise?

“Not likely.” Sam Royalle has been living here ten years. “I’ve heard this from the police every six months. The go-gos clean up for a week or two. Cash flow slows down. Sin bon or tea money to extra-legal security proponents shrink. Car payments are missed. Wives complain and soon everything is back to normal.”

Supposedly the main complainant about the lewd shows has been the US military on the Cobra Gold exercise. The army fears corruption of its soldiers and has stressed that the Bible condemns such exhibitions as an abomination.

“We expect our soliders to have good clean fun on shore leave.” A Baptist shore patrol member stated in front of Starbucks. “They can go see a movie or dance at a bar, but nudity leads to sex and sex leads to the loss of purity. Without god’s protection on the battlefield we are all at risk.”

To replace the loss of glitter the city council has proposed the erection of LED screens to display such vital info as bar closures and no nudity laws as well as ads promoting fun in Pattaya.

Pattaya Police also extended their crackdown to the Soi Chaiyapoon or Soi Cheap Charlie. Bar Owners have been warned to strictly hire employees over 18 and not allow anyone under 20 to drink in their bars. Several owners have heard a dismaying rumor that the police might want to enforce a new restriction of older people drinking after dark as their facilities are impaired by old-timer inebriation.

“Anyone over 65 should be in bed after 9pm.”

This statement by a foreign police volunteer ie snitch or poo raai ngaan was overheard by a 55 year-old Irishman, who protested, “What’s this world coming to, when an old git can’t get pissed?”

Armageddeon it sounds like to me, but hopefully when the Messiah comes back he will promotes the do-gooders to heaven and leave us evil-doers behind on Earth.

“Vias con dios and bring on the naked girls.”

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