The President appeared on time for the State of the Union Speech. I give him an A for punctuality. GW greeted members of both parties on his route to the podium. Another A for cordiality and politeness, especially for his gracious welcome to the incoming Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.

I’ve spoken before people. Poetry and short-story readings.

Never something like the rich and powerful and the TV viewers around the world, so I give another A for composure. Personally I couldn’t stand on that podium without having snorted a couple lines of CIA coke and downing a few Vodka Tonics.

‘My fellow Americans.” I could get that far with the help of the tele-prompter after which I would hem and haw, stutter, flub words, pause for seconds while wondering what the heck I’m doing there. “Where’s my magic bag?”

So I salute the President’s courage, especially during his plea about Iraq.

“Give war a chance.”

His request bombed with the Dems’ almost as much as the Baltimore Ravens’ showing in last week’s NFC playoffs, but not as much as his proposed health care advances. At least no one booed.

“We know that the real reason in America why medical costs are so high. People are fat and eat shitty food.”

No, he didn’t say that, for no one in power has the courage to admit the real cause of global warming. Obesity and the increase of size-challenged people in the USA has led to excessive sweating by these fast food junkies, who throw off more heat than normal people. Big people, big clothes, big money and money tells people when to shut up.

Senator McCain at least possessed the moral fortitude to fall asleep during the Khan of WMD’s 50-minute speech. Me, I surfed a porno channel, then came back for his exit from the Congress. I was deeply impressed by the President’s ability to remember people’s names.

When my younger brother Michael passed away, I went back to Boston. The wake was held in my hometown. Hundreds of friends and family members came to see my brother’s corpse. I didn’t recognize any of them, so my lovely sister-in-law, Patty, stood by my side and whispered their names.

Fianlly I spotted a familiar face and to introduce Patty, but I couldn’t remember her name. Early stages of old-timers’ disease.

So another A to the President for memory retention.

I don’t give Fs.

“Just give war a chance.”

That’s all we are saying.

As for the State of the Union. I give it a C-.

But then I don’t really care living in exile in Pattaya, the last Babylon, for like most Americans I get an A Plus in apathy.

“Where’s the bar?”