On April 1 1995 the porno parlors of Times Square closed for good thanks to the edict of mayor Guiliani, who at the time was having an extramartial affair. The infamous Combat Zone in Boston has been reduced to three XXX rated book stores and a bunch of drunks. After centuries of instructing Paris men in the wonders of sex Rue St. Denis in Paris is a street of ghosts after dark. No longer do fingers beckon from dark doorways. One by one the forces of good are vanquishing the dwindling legions of bad.

Oh, my beautiful wickedness.

Worst Thailand is showing signs of joining the ranks of the righteous.

During last week’s Naga festival a hapless promoter possessed the bad taste to televise the erotic gyrations of ‘coyote dancers’ attired in skimpy outfits. The outrage rightly criticized the impropriety of nearly nude girls dancing at a Buddhist festival in Nong Khai and I agree something has to be done.

When I was a mere boy, the pastor of my church held a children’s mass at 8am every Sunday. Father Curley would give a sermon after communion and then ask the children questions. For every correct answer the old Irish priest would give a quarter, so we were very attentive, however one warm Sunday the father’s sermon was interrupted by the unexpected appearance of two dogs, who raced up the aisle and jumped over the railing.

The congregation watched in stunned silence as the two dogs joined in copulation before the altar. Father Curley recognized the devil and leapt down from the culprit, muttering, “Dirty dogs.”

Two swift steps and his black oxford booted the offending canines into the air yelping in unholy union. They were dragged from the church and neither our parents nor Father Curley said a word about the incident, for Sex had no place in religion.

While the Catholic priests might argue this point, Thai officials have been issuing proclaimation after edict to prevent the coyote dancers offending the sanctity of holy days.

The culture minister proposed a ban of women younger than 20 working in this profession. A grand congress of do-gooders has been called for November 8th.

Of course there have been counter-claims.

Firstly the Naga festival is famous for gas balls issuing from the Mekong. Locals swarm to the river bank to watch the glowing farts float into the night sky. Many swear they come from the Naga monster, the famed 8-headed serpent guarding the steps of Buddhist temples. 

This event is hardly known for its sobriety, thus the coyote dancers, who are mostly college girls earning up to 15000-30000 baht/month for part time work, were entertaining a loso or low society crowd. Hi-so rarely attended these events with the bok seedah or great unwashed.

In contradiction to the Culture Minister the Labor dept. Chief said prohibiting under-20s from working was against the law, but also admitted that the promoters should act more judiciously at religous events. Education minister cautioned the Culture ministry to have a jai-yen or some calm, but also stated that lewd dancing is lewd dancing and has no place at public events.

The new coup ministers recognize a good photo op and sound byte when they saw one and even the Interior Minister added his 50 satang to the subject, warning TV stations to be extra careful during the upcoming Loy Krathong festival that no repeat performance disgraces the airwaves.

Coyote dancers are hired by pubs to bring in clientele. They are trained to dancer like the girls from the movie COYOTE UGLY, which was based on a NY West Village bar.

I go to worship at these events occasionally, but am far too jaded to consider a university cheerleader routine to be decadent. Of course what can you expect from someone living in Pattaya?