Thailand is a country where the women pride themselves for beauty. Hours are spent in hair salons to achieve the perfect look and women will drive little scooters without helmets, preferring to risk their lives rather than styled tresses.

Beauty is treasured beyond intelligence and the nation hosts a variety of contests to find out who is the fairest of them all.

Even for ka-toeys or lady-boys.

Thailand isn’t so different from the rest of the world. Beauty is almost next to godliness, unless it is used for sex, however pulp magazines publish annual reports on who is the sexiest of movie stars, singers, and models. The 2006 top five according to the magazine FTM are #1 Keira Knightly.

I have no idea what she does to be famous, but she is sexy in this photo.

#2.

Kelley Hazell – Who? She seems to like showing her breasts.

Guess who she is doesn’t matter with a body like hers. Men walk into walls or crash cars seeing her on the street.

I asked several male friends in pattaya if they thought she was sexy.

“Too European for me.” They each answered having lived in the Orient too long to appreciate universal beauty.

#3 Scarlett Johansson

I know her. She was in a movie I saw once. Blanked as to which one.

But my friend Billy O’ Neill thought she looked like no one had ever doen any surgery on her. Natural in a Swedish virgin way, but exy virgins don’t sell me.

#4 Angeline Jolie but there’s nothing less sexy than a beautiful woman with a boyfriend, especially since Brad Pitt has to be the sexiest man alive and I like his movies except for the horrible MR. AND MRS. SMITH.

The only good thing about that film was their meeting and his making Jennifer Anniston cry. The star of FRIENDS is considered sexy, if only for her store mannequin hair.

Has anyone checked out her nose? Lifeguards must give a shark alert when she does the backstroke at a swimming pool.

Good move, Brad.

Angeline Jolie is sexy for an older woman.

And seemingly a good person.

Not that Jennifer wasn’t.

#5 Kelly Brook

I must be getting old. Who the hell is she?

I watch movies all the time, but don’t think any of the actresses are sexy. Models either. Or singers.

I came close to having sex with Darryl Hannah in Jamaica.

I’ll tell you the story some time.

My friend Jean Rousseau admit to have impure thoughts about Carla Gugino (Sin City), Cate Blanchett, Natalie Portman, Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz as well as Faye Dunaway, Raquel Welch, Ursula Andress, and Gina Lollobrigida. Some fantasies die hard, especially raquel welch’s poster from 1000000 BC. Fur bikini. Ursula Andress having the poison sucked out of her foot in DOCTOR NO. I first saw Faye Dunaway on the GROUCHO MARX SHOW. She was 18 in 1962.

Sexy doesn’t stick around long and more movie stars it’s most an act, just like go-go girls in Thai bars. Easy to look sexy. Harder to be sexy.

Porno stars are sexy until you meet them, except for Heather Hunter and Sharon Mitchell. Both are on my all-time sexy women list no matter how old she is, but neither figures on the FTM list.

Only mine.

I went out with an ugly girl once. She had a Cyranoesque nose, a figure of a Biafran refugee, and frizzy hair, but was a punk rock singer and on stage screaming into the mike like Iggy had given birth to her. She liked sex too. 

Proving sexy is more than skin deep.

A succubus is a threat to your immortal soul.

If only for the first time you kiss.

For the list of the 50 most unsexy women of 2006 go to this URL

http://www.bostonisfunny.com/2006-05-04-the-50-unsexiest-women-in-the-world.html