The Thai flight attendant union has suggested that the national airline stop serving passengers as much as they can drink during flights. The happy hour policy for 11-17 hour flights has resulted in an increasing number of sexual harassment incidents involving inebriated passengers and the flight staff.

Even the male flight attendants complain about drunken travelers showing off their sex organs and trying to drag attendants into the bathroom, shouting ‘mile-high club’, despite being four miles in the air. Let’s face it, drunks are not good with math.

The most famous case occured on a trans-Atlantic airline. A first class passenger jumped up on a serving cart and took a dump. I found it hard to believe that the defecator was drunk, since this act must have required acrobatic skills not usually attributed to booze-impaired idiots. I have trouble sitting on my own throne after 20 beers, especially if I forget to put down the toilet seat.

It’s one thing to be a mess in your own home, but it appears the combination of high altitude and booze seems to liberate the inhibitions of some fliers.

The airline concedes that Westerners drink on health grounds, but that some down as many as 30 drinks during the long transcontinental flights. One pasenger even got drunk 3 times on the same flight.

One solution would be to open a go-go bar in the hold of the 747, which could be called ‘lager lout’ class.  There would also be another section of rooms. Short-time class. Behavior in these new classes would be self-monitored. Anyone upsetting the chaos of these sections could be voted into ‘parachute’ class or immediate rejection from the aircraft. The vote would be by a show of hands and enforced by the security staff recruited from Mormon missionaries, who get to lecture the violators before they’re being thrown off the airliner.

Once you have decided on this class you will never be able to fly any other class.

A black mark would note your permanent record and we know how damning those permanent records can be.

The flight attendant union conceded that it was not possible for the airline to stop serving alcoholic drinks entirely, given other airlines sticking to the booze cruise flights. Until the shutdown happens, the booze cart will still be open across the Pacific.