Amidst rising concerns about the spread of bird flu, city officials in Bangkok have proposed to combat the rise in the pigeon population by loading feeding stations with a unique cuisine. Green beans sprinkled with condensed human birth control lls. An avian expert stated, “We are seeking the most humane ways possible to contain the bird flu virus. We do not want people killing pigeons or any wild animals.”
The first people to protest have been the birdfeed sellers at the city’s park. One merchant was angered at this threat to his livelihood. “Why pigeons? Why not give birth control to all birds. Ducks chickens and roosters too”
A passer-by complained that the pigeons relieve themselves everywhere, to which the birdfeed seller responded, “Buy an umbrella. 100 baht.”
The US Embassy unexpectedly entered the fray, when the religious legate declared after a non-profit prayer meeting. “We have learned one thing about birth control. If people use it, then promiscuity follows. And promiscuity leads to the loosening of morals. We have to think what this policy says to the youth of Thailand and the world.”
The city officials have taken these issues into consideration and are now scheduling a series of discussions about the birth control project for pigeons. They expect a study to be finished within the next fiscal budget year. Until then they suggest avoiding pigeons and buying umbrellas. Just to be safe.
Relevant Thai words
Nog-pi-raeb – Pigeon
Kee-nok – bird doo