Opening paragraphs of ALMOST A DEAD MAN


Hamburg 1982

The scurry of claws across the filthy floor startled the woman on the battered chair and she lifted her black stiletto heels in horror. Rats were the least of her problems. Over the phone her lover had suggested a nocturnal rendezvous on Kaiserkai. No one came to Hamburg’s harbor at night. The woman had driven down to the warehouse district alone for rough sex with her Willi. Instead two men had been waiting on the unlit dock and dragged her into an abandoned warehouse. Now in a damp basement she pleaded, “Please let me go, I haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Nothing wrong?” The black man in the spotless jogging suit circled the chair. Aviator sunglasses hid his eyes. He swatted the dusty 40-watt bulb dangling from the rafter, then tapped the woman’s gaunt face.

“Are you a saint?”

“No, I am far from a saint.” The expensive wig flopped onto a folded lap.

“Saints are only saints, because they are dead. You on the other hand are alive, because you are a sinner.”

Hamburg

>Howaldtswerke Deutsche Werft (HDW) Hamburg,

1972

I wrote this novel in the autumn of 1997 while living several months in Ballyconeeley under the Connemara Mountains or the Seven Pins. I returned to New York and only showed the finished work to Shannon Greer. He read it in one night. I never showed it to anyone else, although in 2016 I revised it another time.

Last Christmas Winick Diamonds, the jewelry sore in Montauk, closed for the season. With no job I went on the hustle for money and filled my spare time writing a new version of ALMOST A DEAD MAN. I’m nearly finished. First destination. Shannon Greer. He’s a great photographer and has a better than good eye.

ps Calle Schwensen survived the Gross Freiheit of the Reeperbahn.

If you find him there, give him my regards.


Hamburg 1982

The scurry of claws across the filthy floor startled the woman on the battered chair and she lifted her black stiletto heels in horror. Rats were the least of her problems. Over the phone her lover had suggested a nocturnal rendezvous on Kaiserkai. No one came to Hamburg’s harbor at night. The woman had driven down to the warehouse district alone for rough sex with her Willi. Instead two men had been waiting on the unlit dock and dragged her into an abandoned warehouse. Now in a damp basement she pleaded, “Please let me go, I haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Nothing wrong?” The black man in the spotless jogging suit circled the chair. Aviator sunglasses hid his eyes. He swatted the dusty 40-watt bulb dangling from the rafter, then tapped the woman’s gaunt face.

“Are you a saint?”

“No, I am far from a saint.” The expensive wig flopped onto a folded lap.

“Saints are only saints, because they are dead. You on the other hand are alive, because you are a sinner.”

Hamburg

>Howaldtswerke Deutsche Werft (HDW) Hamburg,

1972

I wrote this novel in the autumn of 1997 while living several months in Ballyconeeley under the Connemara Mountains or the Seven Pins. I returned to New York and only showed the finished work to Shannon Greer. He read it in one night. I never showed it to anyone else, although in 2016 I revised it another time.

Last Christmas Winick Diamonds, the jewelry sore in Montauk, closed for the season. With no job I went on the hustle for money and filled my spare time writing a new version of ALMOST A DEAD MAN. I’m nearly finished. First destination. Shannon Greer. He’s a great photographer and has a better than good eye.

ps Calle Schwensen survived the Gross Freiheit of the Reeperbahn.

If you find him there, give him my regards.

As for Kurt he never left Paris.

A Hotel Room Off The Highway 1985

A little after midnight

I pull the Pontiac LeMans

Off the interstate

Before Flagstaff

Onto Route 66___

Kyla sleeps against the door

Not knowing we are stopping for the night

At a motel

The Flamingo Motel Hotel

Red sign bright neon

I pull up to the office

Get us a room

Kyla wake

“Where are we?”

“Flagstaff, Arizona. A motel.”

Park the Le Mans before room 109

Same number as the address

of my family home

On the South Shore of Boston

Thousands of miles away___

Tonight

No more driving

I want to sleep with Kyla

In a double bed

On clean sheets

After a shower___

Kyla goes first

I go second

A long shower

Wash off three days of the road

New York to here___

I come out dry and clean

Kyla already asleep

The only light from the motel sign

Trucks diesel on Route 66

I step outside

Barefoot

Towel around my waist___

Truck fumes on the high desert night

The Le Mans the only car in the parking lot

Ours the only occupied room

Ours the only bed

We’re not making love tonight___

But maybe in the morning

Another day’s drive to LA

Unless we see the Grand Canyon tomorrow

It’s worth the detour

Especially after a stop at the Flamingo Motel Hotel

And greeting the Arizona dawn

Naked

Together___

Body Parts 2 Reading – 3/19 Peter Nolan Smith

I’ll be reading

LAZARUS II At Makers Ensemble Wednesday night 3/19

I have a new life
After death
Not the first time__
Last month Alex was sweet___
She lied About my odor___
Not only I do smell old
I smell of Lazarus
Risen From the grave__
I need a new smell
An old bottle of perfume
For Lazarus II
A new smell
Even Alex knows the truth

Makers Ensemble
13 Grattan St #408
March 19th, 8pm (doors 7:30)
$9 venmo or cash, all profit split to artists

VENMO for a ticket

@emstrictly

Rain, Sleet, and Snow

Back in 2012 St. Padraic’s Day was blessed with spring weather. The next day was even warmer, especially since I had traveled south to the Northern Neck of the Potomac. Charles, Ms. Carolina, and I stood at the end of the dock. A super-sized moon roses over the far shore and the equinox sun set below a screen of yellow pines. The lilting breeze offered a promise of an early spring, even though the maples were leafless.

“Guess winter is over.” I stared into the Potomac. The temperature was in the 70s. The cold water wouldn’t kill me.

“Hush your mouth,” Ms. Carolina’s dog barked at my side. She had lived in Virginia over thirty-five years, but her childhood was a product of the Adirondacks, where winter holds onto the cold and snow for a month longer than anyplace else in the North, except Fort Kent, Maine.

“I have a good feeling for new season.” I flexed my knuckles. They had been weapons in the hundreds of fights waged over the decades. No cracking meant dry weather. Snap, crackle, pop was a good indication of wet.

“You goin’ in now, Yankee?”

“Naw, but tomorrow for sure.”

My knuckles were right about the moisture, however the temperature dropped through the night. Morning dew glazed the lawn. I defied my better judgment and performed my death-defying swim in the river. Ms. Carolina gave me a towel and her husband handed me a glass of Dewar’s Scotch.

“How long you think you could have survived in that water?” Charles had been an officer in the Navy. His friends had cruised the North Atlantic in warships. Not all of them returned home to Newport News.

“Four minutes.”

“A fisherman might make it ten minutes.”

“I heard of some people lasting 40 minutes.” My grandfather had a friend on the Titanic. He drowned in the Atlantic. My grandfather traveled to St. John’s to identify the body. It had been battered by the sea.

I leapt off the dock.

The tidal river was cold.

39 degrees Fanrenheit.

My arms scratched frantically at the water. I scrambled up the dock.

Barbara handed me a towel.

“You one crazy Yankee,” laughed Charles.

Barbara laughed too.

When I returned to Brooklyn the following night, Fort Greene had reversed the sweep of the season from spring to winter. Snow fell on Tuesday night and Wednesday evening was a melange of hail, snow, and rain. I wore heavy tweeds impervious to the cold and wet. Even my knuckles were safe from the chilly damp in cashmere-lined gloves. Ice pellets bounced over my Donegal cap. I was ready for more winter, but not another two months of it and this weekend the forecast is for more snow.

Sadly Barbara lasted till the autumn and Charles passed two years ago.

I miss them both

But not that damn cold.

To see my plunge, go to this URL

Nude Modeling Day # 1


On Canal Street
In Chinatown
Seven minutes to 1
On time
Climb three flights of stairs
First floor a wonton shop
Second floor a Mah-Jong parlor
The clack of tiles
Third floor a massage parlor
A faint aroma of tobacco
One more set of steps to the drawing studio___
Seven older artists before easels
Sitting in folding chairs
Fluorescent lights overhead
I say hello
No hello back
They are here to draw
I am here to be naked
Three hours
$75 cash___
Strip in a corner
A green robe
Ralph Lauren
Twelve years old
I older
72___
Stand on the platform
The wood clean to my feet
Robe off from my shoulders
I now officially a nude model
Timer on
Twenty minutes pose
Five minute break
Three hours
Sit in a folding chair
Take the pose
Not Rodin’s THE THINKER
$25 an hour
Legs apart
Hands on my knees
Eyes straight ahead
I see no one___
They see my body
Wonder how they see me
Doesn’t matter
I am only a naked body
Lines, curves, shadows
I look at none of them
Eyes ahead
To the brick wall across Canal Street___
Strange to be the object of no desire.
Thirty years past my prime
Skin hangs off my bones
Muscles shadows of ruin
A long scar across my abdomen___
No one talks
Pencils scratch on paper
Electric heaters moan
I am naked
Not cold___
No phone in my hand
No music
No talking
My mind runs rampant
Seeking to land somewhere
I pick prime numbers
1,3,5, 7 ad 1001
1001 is divisible by 7 and more
It is not a prime
I did the math in my head___
Change focus
The Sexual Revolution.
So long ago
So forgotten by the followers of the Nailed God
I sit naked
Twenty minutes pose
Five minute break
My pose
Legs apart
Hands on my knees
Naked
Exposed
Dream of the Sexual Revolution
1964 to Now
Michelangelo’s David
I am bigger___
More reminescences
1967
Finding Steven Hammer’s THE ITCH
The stroke book had all the answers
Atop Nahanton Hill
Glossy sex magazines in the Combat Zone
The smell of Pine Sol
XXX double-bills in Times Square
Sticky floors
Libbie in the hallway of the Ritz Hotel
Alice crying God in a swimming pool
Beer little Beer on Soi Six
Elena under the Brooklyn Bridge
Candida at the Piscine Deligny
Sharon everywhere
Ro
I was her angel under candle light
She got me this job
Nude modeling
Three hours
$75 cash
I look down
Not a rise
A flaccid penis
Just like Michelangelo’s David__
Twenty minute pose
Five minute break
Furious strokes from one artist
They are all older than thirty
Two women
I turn off my wicked thoughts
Resuming the pose
Legs apart
Hands on my knees
Eyes straight ahead
I fall on Tinoretto’s drawings
A revelation
At the Morgan Library
The bare bones of paintings
All starts with pencil and paper
Light shadows form lines
Filling in the space
This is not Magic, only Art ___
Once again my gaze on the brick wall
Across Canal Street
The bricks yellow orange___
Two more sessions to go
Legs apart
Hands on my knees
Eyes straight ahead
Twenty minutes pose
Five minute break
The Adonis theater
On Eighth Avenue north of ShowWorld
Naked, but for a jock strap.
A little stiffness
The Sexual Revolution
Is not dead
For in me
It is alive
Simmering in our veins
Awaiting the awakening___
Last session
Twenty minutes pose
Five minute break
Legs apart
Hands on my knees
Eyes straight ahead
My mind blank
No thoughts
No erection
Across the street
The bricks yellow tan
Only four artists left
One leaves
Rolls up his drawing
Color pencils
Good work
Looks nothing like me
I am only a naked body
My mind blank
No erection___
Maybe next time
I’ll take Viagra
Viva le Sexual Revolution___